Tag Archives: acceptance

What’s On Your Bracelet?

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Most of us are familiar with WWJD.   An abbreviation for What Would Jesus Do, it became popular in the 1990s as a reminder to act in a manner that would demonstrate the love of Jesus.  Not as openly accepted (and never printed on t-shirts, bracelets, etc.), but more popular with people of all genres would be WWIDT:  Why Would I Do That.

Recently, there was a meeting in my neighborhood to discuss the future of a group home that would be an extension of the Manna House.  Manna House is a residential addiction recovery and rehabilitation campus that has been in Brookshire of 20+ years.   They run a program that has seen over 600 men pass through their doors.  Unfortunately, the input from my neighbors was less than supportive and the home will probably be sold. 

Our society is all about treatment and reform.  We talk a big talk about the need for support for addiction recovery.  We brag about the good things that are done with Celebrate Recovery and Alcoholics Anonymous.  We are happy to make donations to support these good causes, especially if I can get a tax deduction and maybe some recognition.  I support the programs whole-heartedly, until they begin to invade “my space”.   I don’t want it in my neighborhood!

When we look at the example that Jesus set throughout His life, he was never in the ‘safe’ area.  He would reach out and touch lepers as well as other ill persons.  He traveled through Samaria and then took the time to talk with a Samaritan woman (both no-no’s).  He kept company with tax collectors and prostitutes.  He showed no concern about being with or being seen with societies “lesser” members. 

No one wants to live next door to an addict.  But, how do you know that you don’t already?  Do you know everything about your neighbor?  I lived in an area for years where the nicest people on the block were the ones that kept the local high school students supplied with recreational drugs.  I didn’t know this was happening in my neighborhood until I saw the news trucks blocking the street one morning.  There had been a shooting after a drug deal had gone bad.  I would now prefer to live near a KNOWN residential home with rules and supervision for recovery instead of the unknown drug house.

When are we going to stop pretending that perfection is where we live?  The last I checked, no one I know is perfect.  We all have our own baggage.  When does compassion come into play?  When do we stop judging those who have admitted to having an addiction and are working to control it?  When do we start treating them with civility and respect?  When do we forgive them for messing up?

Our Father in heaven,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what’s best—
    as above, so below.
Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.
You’re in charge!
You can do anything you want!
You’re ablaze in beauty!
    Yes. Yes. Yes.

Matthew 6:9-13 MSG

The Lord’s Prayer:  I memorized it as a child.  I’ve sung it at weddings.  I’ve studied it as an example of how to pray.  It’s pretty straight forward.  So why is it that so many of us we know the words but ignore the message that is summarized in the next two verses?

“In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part. 

Matthew 6:14-15 MSG

Forgiveness is at the center of our relationship with God.  Gods forgives us and we are to forgive others.  I’m not sure I’ve always understood what it means to forgive.  There have been periods of my life when I saw no need to extend forgiveness if it wasn’t requested.  Is that really the way God intends us to forgive?  As a believer, I am taught that Christ died on the cross to forgive ALL of my sins:  past, present and future.  I only need to accept the forgiveness.  When I realize there’s something wrong in my life, I confess it.  But, the forgiveness was already granted.  Even addicts are forgiven. 

Addictions come in many forms.  Honestly, as long as you don’t get caught or cause a big scene, the world “approves” of your addiction.  Often, it’s the very addiction that makes you fun or entertaining.   But, go public and the consequences are that you are no longer accepted into polite society.  It’s time we stand and openly encourage those that are fighting addictions.  It’s time to forgive those that have their addictions out in the open for all to see.   It’s time to recognize that “there but by the grace of God, go I.”

So, the answer to WWJD is: whatever it takes to show love to others.   WWJD is about risking it all.  It’s about loving the unlovable.  It’s about accepting the person even when we don’t approve of their behavior.  It’s about forgiving the shortcomings and weaknesses of those that are dealing with addictions and encouraging better choices.   When we espouse the ideology of WWIDT, everything revolves around ME.  I have no time to think or consider others.  I have no time for compassion, forgiveness or understanding.  I set myself up as judge and jury.  I barricade myself behind a wall of selfish indulgence that I call “safe” and remove the opportunity for God to work in my own life. 

So, what about you?   In your world, do you espouse WWJD or WWIDT?  What is most important to you?      

Crispy Edges

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My daughter looks forward to the pancakes at Cracker Barrel.  Really, she just looks forward to the edges of the pancakes; the crispy browned edges are her favorite.  But, when it comes to orange rolls or brownies, it’s the soft inner pieces that are the best.

Grief gives life crispy edges.  Edges that are delicate and break easily.  Edges that call to you at times.  I prefer to live in the warm, protected center of life.  That’s where my family is the safest and the happiest.  That is where I search for my  value and my worth.  But, there are times, that I must venture out to the edges and taste the bittersweetness that comes with memories.  Fragile memories that still have the power to break my heart.  Precious memories that fade a little with time, but still stir up so many emotions when unwrapped.

Today is a day for the edges.  Thirty years ago on this day, I became Mrs. Terry Benson.  We set out on the adventure of life together.  I see people talk about marrying their best friend and can’t help but wonder how they define friendship.  Terry was indeed my best friend.  We did  everything together.  We had one car for most of our marriage, so he drove me to work each morning and picked me up each afternoon.  He packed my lunch for me.  When the time came, he was a stay at home dad for our kids.  He never complained about me to my family.  He was only complimentary.  He didn’t call me rude names behind my back.  He was always uplifting and protective of me.  He loved my family and never criticized my relationship with them.   Even when things were rough with his own20140214-070338.jpg family, he never said unkind or mean things about them.  There were many times that we disagreed and fought.  And we always came to an agreement and forgave.  Our marriage was more important that either of us as individuals.

So for today, I venture out to the edges that are crisp and full of memories.  Today, I will savor the memories of the love of my early life, the father of my children.  I know that these memories don’t diminish the love I have now for Tim.  My past has prepared me to love him even more deeply.  The edges remind me how fragile life and love can be.  I know that I want to protect the soft center where my life and love currently exist.

Sometimes crispy edges are what we need.  And, sometimes its the soft center that we desire.  Life is made up of both.

Forgiveness, Tolerance & Acceptance

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Forgiveness is something we all want and usually expect,  but we often find it difficult to give; especially when it comes to forgiving ourselves.  This verse is one that come to mind when I don’t seem to be getting the forgiveness I think I deserve:

 “In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part.”  Matthew 6:14-15 The Message

I don’t like to think about this verse when I am angry and need to forgive, however.  I’ve been told my entire life to “forgive and forget” when I am offended or hurt.  That’s really hard for me to do.  I think I’m good at forgiving, until something new arises and I all those old memories come flooding back.  I don’t always realize that I’m holding a grudge, but it’s there.  Forgiveness is something that I have to work on everyday.  When that old grudge rears its ugly head, I must remind myself that it’s been forgiven and move on into the light of life.

I find that I have a hard time forgiving when the offense is against someone who I love.  If one of my kids or my husband, one of my siblings or my parents are the object of ridicule, unjust criticism, rumor or other attacks either physically or emotionally, I want to punish the person responsible. History has proven that retribution doesn’t always pan out the way I would like, it just leads to more hurt.  And the cycle is repeated over and over and over.

“Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”  Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.” Romans 12:19-20 The Message

I am learning each day that I must forgive.  Even (especially) when the other person involved is not aware that they need forgiveness.  Words are thrown carelessly around.  We talk about anything and everything without a thought to what those words may mean to the listener.  Hearing another woman wish her husband was gone caused pain to me as a widow.  My children react when they hear others complain about their parents and/or step-parents.  We need to be aware of the audience and be sensitive to others.

We say what we “think” others want to hear.  Unfortunately, social media is used to broadcast our every thought and action.  Inconsistencies are highlighted because of it.  Keeping our stories straight is very difficult these days.  If I say I cannot go to dinner with you because I don’t feel well and then post on social media my night out on the town with someone else, you probably would be hurt.  The trust between us would be broken. And I may never realize there was a problem. What if I go out of my way to help someone and they thank me profusely; then, I find out that they complained about my interference to a mutual friend.  I’m probably not going to help or trust as easily the next time.  And, I must forgive that person and tolerate their inconsistent behaviors.

Tolerance has become a big part of forgiveness for me.  There are things that offend me, that make me angry.  Being angry is hard work.  I don’t tolerate half-truths very well.  My nature is to point out the white lie very loudly.  However, I’ve come to understand that sometimes, people are conditioned to say just enough to get by.  It’s the  way they have survived:  by saying what they perceive is expected of them.  It’s usually not meant as hurtful.  And, I need to learn to be tolerant of the behavior and earn their trust so we don’t have to tell half-truths any longer.

I continue to learn how to tolerate  and to forgive those that need to tear everyone around them down in order to feel bigger.  These are the gossips that grab any shred of information and blow it up to destroy another person’s reputation.  The gossip  may have begun with a shred of truth, but it rarely is accurate.  It’s not meant to tell the truth.  It’s meant to help the teller feel better about their own fallacies.  We have all been victims of rumors and gossip and one time or another.  And, I would venture to say, we have all gossiped as well.  I struggle with forgiving the back-stabbers, the ones that smile to your face and tear you down when you walk away.  But, I’m working on it.

“Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, “The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone.” Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.”  John 8:  The Message

I fear that one of the biggest issues we all encounter is accepting forgiveness.  When we have wronged another, it can be very uncomfortable and maybe even awkward.  It’s hard to ask for or accept any forgiveness.  Sometimes, we don’t believe that we deserve that  forgiveness.  And, I find it especially hard to forgive myself for stupid decisions and mistakes.  I have only to look at the example of Jesus to see how important forgiveness is.  He gave His very life so I could be forgiven.

“If we claim that we’re free of sin, we’re only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we’ve never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God.”  1 John 1:8-10  The Message

So, why do I find it so hard to give or accept forgiveness?  Why do I continue to hurt others with my words and actions?  Why do I gossip?  What makes me better than anyone else?  Each day, I decide anew to be the more like Christ in my actions and deeds.  I strive daily to do my best to forgive any wrongs of others, to be tolerant of those that just don’t “get it” and to accept the forgiveness I am given.  It’s hard.  I fail. I try again.  God continues to work on me.  What about you?