Tag Archives: friendship. love

A Prayer for my Children

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As a mom, I have felt the joy and the pain of watching my children succeed, fail, love, mourn, laugh and cry.  I gave birth to and reared G & Z.  We’ve been through so much together:  great successes in school sports and music, spiritual awakening and growth, &  the death of their father.  I’m also privileged to have  three “gift with purchase” kids (K, R & J) that came with my second marriage.  I have known these three most of their lives, so I have seen them cope with many of life’s challenges as  well.  I also have a beautiful daughter-in-love (L) as well as a handsome grandson (JT).  I’ve had the privilege of “mothering” a “daughter-in-my-heart” (KM) that I have loved as my own for many years as she dealt with growing up after the death of her mom.  And, soon, we add another to the family as K & A are wed this fall.

One of the most difficult things I’ve had to learn through the years, is I can’t control everything that happens to my kids.  The good or the bad, it’s coming regardless of what I do.  I can warn and encourage, but ultimately, the decisions are their own.  These are the things I pray for my children:

  1.  Have the courage to be yourself.  You don’t have to remake  yourself to fit someone else’s ideals and you don’t need to bully your way through life.  You are special just the way you are.  Be confident in the abilities that God has given you and use them to build relationships, both professional and personal.  You don’t need to be part of a couple to be complete.  Value your independence and develop your whole being.
  2. Be content where God has you, but prepared to move forward in His timing.  It’s hard to be patient and wait for the right relationship or the best job to open up for you.  Do your best in all things.  Never stop working and improving yourself.  But, don’t try to handle things all on your own.  Remember that God has a plan for you and it’s all in his timing.
  3. If you commit yourself to another in marriage, remember you are in this for life.  Relationships are difficult at best.  It’s easy to take short-cuts and our world excuses and often encourages the failure of marriage.  Love your partner completely.  And by that I mean, always look out for whats best for him/her.  Your own wants should come in second.  Marriage is not about control.  It’s a partnership.  Loving someone doesn’t give you the authority to order them around.  Nor does love allow you to scream and call names to get your own way.  There will be disagreements in any relationship.  Don’t allow arguments to escalate into screaming matches.  Love fully and completely without selfish manipulation.
  4. Protect the intimacy that was designed to be shared with your spouse.  Beware of society’s bad advice.  Love is NOT just about sex and desire.  Sex should not be an automatic part of dating.  Sex should remain special not common place.  Girls, learn to protect the men in your life by dressing with modesty.  Boys, look out for the women you love and don’t promise love when you just desire the physical.  Love yourself enough to protect yourself, body & soul.
  5. Build lasting relationships.  Friends are important in life.  Find and cultivate relationships that challenge you to grow and mature.  In a marriage, friendship is essential.  The fires of passion may have spurred you into marriage.  Be assured that those fires will cool.   But, as you develop your relationship in other ways, the flames of true and lasting love will be stoked and burn even more brightly.
  6. If you choose to marry, don’t settle.  Many of those “cute” characteristics that you find so endearing and attractive today, will drive you crazy later.  You may try to overlook irritants and decide you can change them later.  Please hear me:  THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN!  You do not marry someone to change them.  You adjust to and for the person you marry.  Marry the person you can’t imagine living without, not the one you think you can live with.
  7.  Be aware of everything you say and do. Learn to filter what you say so you don’t offend.   And then FORGIVE, FORGIVE, FORGIVE.   Practiving “forgive and forget” is incredibly hard.   Make forgiveness a part of your everyday life.  Don’t hesitate to ask for it or to give it.
  8. Never stop building your relationship with God.  When you are at peace with God, you will be a better friend and/or spouse.  Make the effort to spend time with other believers.   If Sunday’s are your only day to sleep late and you just CANNOT give that up, there are other opportunities to grow your faith.  Cultivate time with God.  If you would get up early to go tail-gating, there’s not excuse for not getting up for church.  Don’t fall into the habit of “saying a little prayer and crossing your fingers” to get what you want.  God is not an awesome “Santa Claus” that provides whatever you want,  He is, however, the authority on all the things that occur in our lives.  The low times are much easier to confront and navigate when we’ve included God  in the good times.

Life can be wonderful and awful.  Do your best to be the best influence on everyone you meet.  Be the brightest part of the day.

love

Forgiveness, Tolerance & Acceptance

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Forgiveness is something we all want and usually expect,  but we often find it difficult to give; especially when it comes to forgiving ourselves.  This verse is one that come to mind when I don’t seem to be getting the forgiveness I think I deserve:

 “In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part.”  Matthew 6:14-15 The Message

I don’t like to think about this verse when I am angry and need to forgive, however.  I’ve been told my entire life to “forgive and forget” when I am offended or hurt.  That’s really hard for me to do.  I think I’m good at forgiving, until something new arises and I all those old memories come flooding back.  I don’t always realize that I’m holding a grudge, but it’s there.  Forgiveness is something that I have to work on everyday.  When that old grudge rears its ugly head, I must remind myself that it’s been forgiven and move on into the light of life.

I find that I have a hard time forgiving when the offense is against someone who I love.  If one of my kids or my husband, one of my siblings or my parents are the object of ridicule, unjust criticism, rumor or other attacks either physically or emotionally, I want to punish the person responsible. History has proven that retribution doesn’t always pan out the way I would like, it just leads to more hurt.  And the cycle is repeated over and over and over.

“Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”  Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.” Romans 12:19-20 The Message

I am learning each day that I must forgive.  Even (especially) when the other person involved is not aware that they need forgiveness.  Words are thrown carelessly around.  We talk about anything and everything without a thought to what those words may mean to the listener.  Hearing another woman wish her husband was gone caused pain to me as a widow.  My children react when they hear others complain about their parents and/or step-parents.  We need to be aware of the audience and be sensitive to others.

We say what we “think” others want to hear.  Unfortunately, social media is used to broadcast our every thought and action.  Inconsistencies are highlighted because of it.  Keeping our stories straight is very difficult these days.  If I say I cannot go to dinner with you because I don’t feel well and then post on social media my night out on the town with someone else, you probably would be hurt.  The trust between us would be broken. And I may never realize there was a problem. What if I go out of my way to help someone and they thank me profusely; then, I find out that they complained about my interference to a mutual friend.  I’m probably not going to help or trust as easily the next time.  And, I must forgive that person and tolerate their inconsistent behaviors.

Tolerance has become a big part of forgiveness for me.  There are things that offend me, that make me angry.  Being angry is hard work.  I don’t tolerate half-truths very well.  My nature is to point out the white lie very loudly.  However, I’ve come to understand that sometimes, people are conditioned to say just enough to get by.  It’s the  way they have survived:  by saying what they perceive is expected of them.  It’s usually not meant as hurtful.  And, I need to learn to be tolerant of the behavior and earn their trust so we don’t have to tell half-truths any longer.

I continue to learn how to tolerate  and to forgive those that need to tear everyone around them down in order to feel bigger.  These are the gossips that grab any shred of information and blow it up to destroy another person’s reputation.  The gossip  may have begun with a shred of truth, but it rarely is accurate.  It’s not meant to tell the truth.  It’s meant to help the teller feel better about their own fallacies.  We have all been victims of rumors and gossip and one time or another.  And, I would venture to say, we have all gossiped as well.  I struggle with forgiving the back-stabbers, the ones that smile to your face and tear you down when you walk away.  But, I’m working on it.

“Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, “The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone.” Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt.”  John 8:  The Message

I fear that one of the biggest issues we all encounter is accepting forgiveness.  When we have wronged another, it can be very uncomfortable and maybe even awkward.  It’s hard to ask for or accept any forgiveness.  Sometimes, we don’t believe that we deserve that  forgiveness.  And, I find it especially hard to forgive myself for stupid decisions and mistakes.  I have only to look at the example of Jesus to see how important forgiveness is.  He gave His very life so I could be forgiven.

“If we claim that we’re free of sin, we’re only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we’ve never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God.”  1 John 1:8-10  The Message

So, why do I find it so hard to give or accept forgiveness?  Why do I continue to hurt others with my words and actions?  Why do I gossip?  What makes me better than anyone else?  Each day, I decide anew to be the more like Christ in my actions and deeds.  I strive daily to do my best to forgive any wrongs of others, to be tolerant of those that just don’t “get it” and to accept the forgiveness I am given.  It’s hard.  I fail. I try again.  God continues to work on me.  What about you?

 

The gift of Friendship

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Life is so busy. There is so much to do and it never seems to end. So, a few hours to share coffee and quiet conversation with a close friend is a treasure, a special gift.

Today’s world focuses on instant happiness and the latest BFF. Deep and lasting friendships are the result of time and commitment. Friends take the opportunity to share burdens and joys, to laugh at the absurdities of life, to expose the love that binds true friends.

Sadly, true friendships are exceedingly rare. Self idealization prevents the connections necessary to build lasting relationships. Fear of exposing the “real me” handicaps every relationship. Trust, commitment and time are necessary to build deep and lasting friendships.

We are told in John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” What are you willing to give for your friend? Your life? Your time? Does the love of a dear friend out weigh the cost?

When you learn the value of a beloved friend you will guard it ferociously. You will understand the gift that God has given to you, the picture He is painting of His great love for us. You will cherish the moments for the gems they are. The special treasure that is friendship.