Monthly Archives: June 2019

Where the Heart Lives

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Some farewells are harder than others. This weekend I bid farewell to Foard County.  It’s not the first time, but this time was different. For the first time in my almost sixty years, I accepted that Foard County isn’t “home”.   It’s where I grew up. There are many treasured memories.  

I moved to Nacogdoches for college in 1978. But, Crowell was still home. In 1982, I went to work in Houston and I’ve lived in that area ever since.  I married, had 2 kids, became a widow and married again. And I looked forward to going home to Crowell as often as possible. 

This weekend, I realized:  this is no longer home.  I am just a visitor passing through. 

Some say that home is where the heart is. Well, pieces of my heart are buried in the Crowell Cemetery.  I will always be a Foard county girl. Crowell will always be my hometown.  But, for now, my home is with my husband, my kids (birthed and bonus) and my grandson in the West Houston area. Brookshire calls to my heart. 

Farewell Foard County. Thanks for the memories. 

The Importance of Flowers

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My husband knows I love fresh flowers.  Nearly every week, he fills my crystal vase with flowers. Often he selects roses, but we’ve had many different types.  I truly enjoy the various blooms.  Last week, I heard our girls discussing the dozen red roses in the vase that sat on top of the kitchen counter.  One said “Don’t waste money on flowers, save it for jewelry.”  They all seemed to agree on the concept.    It’s a sentiment I’ve heard through the years. 

If you know Tim, you know he is “thrifty”.  He doesn’t buy extravagant bouquets.  My weekly flowers come from the selection at the grocery store.  They are not expensive, but that doesn’t change their beauty or their meaning to me. 

I appreciate good jewelry.  My wedding ring is a symbol of the endless, eternal love we share.  Tim designed it to represent two broken people coming together to become one.  It is precious to me.  But, as much as I love the meaning behind this ring, there is so much more to building a lasting, successful marriage.  Marriage is all about daily sacrifice.  Every day, I commit myself to making my marriage better.  Sometimes that means I don’t get what I want.  Sometimes that means I step back and put my husband’s needs ahead of my own.  Sometimes, we both make sacrifices in the best interest of our family.  There are days that aren’t spectacular and in fact there are more ordinary days than extraordinary in this day to day life.

A vase filled with flowers remind me how fragile relationships can be.   Flowers are beautiful. If I keep them watered and protected, I will get days and maybe weeks of beauty.  Still, they fade.  New flowers must be added to the vase to continue to enjoy them.  If they are neglected, the water turns green and fungus begins to grow.  Before too long, the vase is stained and marred forever from neglect and disuse.  Marriages are just as fragile.  I have to pay attention and care about the details.  I cannot assume that the first days of romance will effortlessly continue.  I need to renew my commitment to my marriage, to my romance every day.  Just as fresh flowers can refill the vase, fresh attention replenishes a marriage.  Are there days when I don’t really want to invest in my relationship? Of course there are.  Sometimes, I have the RIGHT to be upset, depressed or angry.  But, I cannot allow those moments to turn into days or weeks of selfish indignation.  At some point, I have to pull up my big-girl panties and decide what is most important.   The world will tell me that I deserve to be happy.  The flowers remind me that happiness can be fleeting. But, the joy I find in my marriage, much like the crystal vase that holds and provides for the flowers, will stand strong and ready. 

I hope my husband never tires of giving me flowers.  For every flower reminds me of our love: past, present and future.

Romance will never die as long as we keep trying!

CONFESSIONS OF AN OLDEST CHILD

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“I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out – plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” 

Jeremiah 29:11 MSG

I am the oldest of three children.  I am also the first grandchild on both sides of my family.  I am the definition of “the oldest child”. 

There are lots of perks that come with being the oldest.  Hand-me downs don’t exist when you are the first-born.  As the oldest, you get to do things first.  You get the undivided attention of your parents and grandparents when you are the only one.  But, there are some downers to being the oldest.  You are the first one that has to learn to share – everything.  You are the “learner” child:   your siblings get to do things you were never allowed to do. And even though it’s nice to be the first, it also means you will be the first to fail.

The first born has only adults with which to compare himself/herself.  Think about what an oldest/only child sees:  Everyone around can walk without holding on or falling down.  The only crawling seems to be to encourage the baby to get up.  You are being watched at every moment, so you try to please.   Communication is crucial and the praise received is worth the effort.  A first born learns early that you don’t want to disappoint the big people. 

The first born gets more attention.  This is partly because the baby stuff is so new, but also because the time is spent with just this one child.   Just look at photo albums or baby books.  The first child will have tons of pictures and a complete baby book.  Child #2 will have a few pictures and a good start on the baby book.  Any other siblings will just have to make do with a few snapshots and will be grateful if a baby book was even purchased.  The first born will benefit from more time being read to and being taught at home.  Even when siblings are added, the oldest child will continue to benefit from the time spent learning as a group. 

As soon as another sibling is added, the oldest child becomes a leader.  We know how it should be done and will not hesitate to point it out to our younger siblings.  We will be put in charge of our siblings and reminded that we are “older” and therefore “more responsible”.  Some will call this being a natural leader.  Others call it being bossy. 

First born children tend to be perfectionists, leaders, good students, and teachers.  We are often people pleasers that fear failing.  I never tried anything that I wasn’t pretty sure I would excel at.  If there was a chance that I might look silly, I did not attempt it.  I was never good at roller skating, mainly because I did not want to fall.  It hurt and people would laugh.  My younger brother was a good skater.  Granted, he was black and blue from throwing himself into the “experience.”  But, he had fun and enjoyed it.  I would rather spend my time with a good book or a logic puzzle. 

I was always at the top of my class in school.  Learning came easy to me.  I wouldn’t classify myself as an overachiever, I just did what came easily. My classmates that thought I had it made.  While others would be praised for getting a “B” on report cards, I had to get all “A’s and A+”.  Even an “A-“wasn’t good enough.  It wasn’t until I was taking college classes that I was really challenged.  I had to learn to study.  It was hard to accept that I might not be “the best” after all.  But, it was also in college classes that I found I could enjoy learning without being the best.  As a junior accounting major, I had a class under Dean of the School of Business, Dr. Lauderdale.  He promised to weed out the bookkeepers from the accountants in his class.  He was strict and had high expectations.  Our class size dropped by 50% as the semester commenced.  Before our last final, Dr. Lauderdale looked at me and said “You have a B in this class.  If you ace the final or not, you have a solid B.  Don’t come to the final.”  I have never been so excited to be told I was a B student!

I still struggle with perfectionistic tendencies.  This causes lots of anxiety in my life.   I play scenes over and over in my head of how I disappoint my friends and family.  There are days when I feel like I’m balancing on a pin cushion.  When I am out of control or over-whelmed, I protect myself with a veil of detachment.  I separate myself from those areas.  If they don’t exist, they cannot hurt me, right?  My husband helps me to see past the veil and to accept that I can only be the best that I can be.  If someone is disappointed at my best efforts, then that’s not my problem.  Hurt and disappointments are part of life.  I cannot avoid them.

I still don’t like to do anything without a road map.  I want to know EXACTLY what is coming before I step out.  But, I’ve learned that is not always possible.  But these things I know:

  • I CAN make phone calls when I must. (Many of you know how much a hate to do that!)
  • I CAN meet new people and get to know them without hyperventilating.  (I still do better in small groups.)
  • I CAN make decisions and live my life the way God leads me. (Even when others don’t agree/understand.)
  • I CAN trust that others will love me.  (Love isn’t earned, it’s given.)

I am the oldest of three children.  I am the first grandchild on both sides of my family.  And, I am a beloved child of God.

 “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.” 

Psalm 139:13-14 NLT

 “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.” 

Matthew 6:30-33 msg