Monthly Archives: November 2018

Am I Human or Just Dumb?

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To err is human, to forgive divine. All people commit sins and make mistakes. God forgives them, and people are acting in a godlike (divine) way when they forgive.

“An Essay on Criticism”  by Alexander Pope

We all make mistakes in life.  Some are more painful than others.  The assumption is that we learn  from the mistakes and  do not repeat the same one.  The reality is, you can can only make a mistake once:  the 2nd time is a choice. So, if we keep making the same mistake/choice, does that mean we are just dumb?  All through life, we learn things.  Sometimes, we take the advice and teachings of those around us.  But, there are the times that we get burned testing our boundaries.

When I was a child, I was fascinated watching my mother test the heat of the iron.  She would touch her finger to her tongue and then touch the the bottom plate of the iron.  I decided that I wanted to iron my paper doll clothes.  So, I did all of the things I had observed my mother do in the past.  Except, I didn’t lightly touch the iron.  I pressed my index finger to the metal plate.  I had been told many times not to touch the iron because it would burn me.  The pain and the resulting blister (and the scorched paper doll dress) were reminders to heed the warnings. 

But, my need to prove myself didn’t stop there.  It was around the same time of my life.  We were at an Easter egg hunt at my grandparents farm in Foard City.  It was a big family get-together and there were lots of eggs to find.  My Aunt Ruth, who was just a few years older than me, stopped me and pointed out some pretty pink flowers and pointedly told me NOT to pick them.  I went on about the business of hunting eggs, but I kept thinking about those bright pink flowers.  Ruth and I often would go pick wildflowers around the farm and I wondered why she was being so selfish about those pretty flowers.  In hindsight, I don’t think I had even noticed the flowers before being told to leave them alone.  But, now, I was obsessed with them.  I decided to show my aunt that I could pick any flower I wanted and deliberately grabbed the bright pink blossoms with both hands. 

Prickly Pear Cactus

If you have ever encountered a Prickly Pear Cactus, you know about the sharp spines.  I didn’t manage to pick any of the flowers, but I did get both hands full of needles and spines.  All because I was so caught up in having my own way and not paying heed to warnings that I had received.

From the time of Adam and Eve in the garden, we have been inclined to test every rule and push every boundary.  If the speed limit is 60 mph, we drive 65 mph or more.  A sign that says “WET PAINT” is more of an invitation to touch it than a warning.  We make dumb comments for excuses when ignoring rules or warnings: 

  • “It’s just a little white lie.  It doesn’t hurt anyone”
  • Texting isn’t a problem when I drive”
  • “If I can serve my country at 18, I should be able to drink!”
  • “It’s not cheating on my spouse if I’m not happy.  I deserve to be happy”
  • “God wouldn’t have brought him/her into my life if He didn’t want us together.”
  • “As long as I go to church on Sunday, I can do anything I want.”
  • “I don’t need a church to feel close to God.  I am a spiritual person and do just fine on my own. 

And my favorite dumb comment. . .

  • “It’s just sex.  It’s not important.  It doesn’t mean anything”

I have done things in my life that were just dumb.  I would bet most people have.  I have hurt other people and I’ve had to apologize for my actions/words.  And, I’ve been wounded by people for whom I cared deeply and then I had to learn to forgive.  I’ve got a good grasp on the “err” and “dumb” actions.  The “divine” part is a little harder. 

I’m grateful that God is divine.  He is forgiving and merciful.  I try to remember that I really don’t want life to be fair, because I want the benefits of mercy in every situation.   Even so, I know there are consequences when I step over the line.  The results may not be as evident as a blistered index finger or a hand full of cactus spines, but there are penalties that have to be paid.  Whether it is a fine for a speeding ticket or the loss of the trust and respect of my loved ones, there are always consequences. 

A favorite verse from the Old Testament talks about consequences and forgiveness:

If I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or if I command the locust swarms to eat up all of your crops, or if I send an epidemic among you,  then if my people will humble themselves and pray, and search for me, and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear them from heaven and forgive their sins and heal their land.

2 Chronicles 7:13-14 TLB

There will be payment for breaking the rules,  choosing to rebel or ignoring the guidelines and instructions you have been given in this life.  Usually, the retribution is much worse than the enjoyment of the moment of rebellion.  My prayer is that I become more divine, more God-like in my choices.  I must face my issues and follow the best path, not necessarily the one that benefits me the most.  I must forgive those that cause me pain and be willing to pray for them, even when I just HATE doing that.  I must honor my promises and my vows in all areas of my life. 

What do your choices in life say about you?  Are you just human or moving toward the divine?  How many will admit to just being dumb when it comes to making decisions?


Where Is the Joy?

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I admit it, I struggle during the holiday season.  There was at time when I loved getting ready for Thanksgiving.   Planning the perfect meal.  Visiting with family and friends. We even went to the big parade in downtown Houston.   I think I was more excited than my kids about Christmas.   I loved the excitement and the fun of the holidays.  It was a wonderful time.  There are many wonderful memories.

But grief changed all of that.  The idea of planning and cooking became a chore.  So, we started eating out.  It took a few years before I could face putting up a Christmas Tree and even then it was totally different from what had been our “norm”.  Instead of red & green, it was pink, purple and lime green.  We used feather boas instead of tinsel.  It was as far away as I could get from the memories of Christmas’ Past.  I couldn’t seem to entirely enjoy the holidays because I was haunted by what “might have been”.

Three years ago, our holidays changed once again.  We now have a blended family.  We now must consider all five of our kids and their spouses/significant others and their schedules.  They have other interests and families to consider.  It’s easy to get caught up in the frenzy of fighting for time.  And the holiday events become competitions instead of joyful celebrations.  Quality family time is lost in the quest to get to every house and every meal.

Honestly, my response can be much like the toys on the Island of Misfit Toys from “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”:  feeling sorry for myself and expecting to miss the fun and excitement again this year.  It’s too easy to  feel that no one cares.  It’s very convenient to focus on “ME” instead of looking at the larger picture.

I’m really trying this year.  I want to be excited about the holidays.  I don’t want family quarrels to overshadow what should be a joyful time.  I don’t need to feel like I’m placing 2nd (or 3rd or 4th) in a competition that doesn’t even exist.  I’m trying to accept that perfection should not be my goal this year.  And, I’m focusing on building special memories wherever  and whenever I am able.  It may be a quiet meal with just my husband on Thanksgiving Day or a bigger, busier meal with most of the crew over the weekend.  Both, are times to create memories.

I know there will still be tender places.  Putting up the holiday village that belonged to my late husband or unwrapping his Santa collection will be bitter-sweet.  I’ve already got a new Santa Ornament to add.   Pulling out the old ornaments from the early days of our children will unlock some emotions, both good and bad.   I’m on the lookout for a 2018 snow globe to add to the collection I began in 2015 on our first Christmas as Mr. & Mrs.  Douglas. And, I’m prepared to accept the critique of “too much purple” on the tress.

This year, the big tree will go up early (at least for me!)  I’m working on handmade angel ornaments for a smaller tree.  I’ve already planned a Holiday dinner for my co-workers and I look forward to sharing our home and hospitality.  Christmas gifts won’t be flashy, but I hope that they meet a need for the recipients.  We will be baking goodies and sharing with the neighbors (and trying not to over indulge in the sweets.)  There will be carols and hot chocolate and I  will try to be present in the moments as they occur.

This year, I will strive to give thanks for the numerous blessing in my life: my family, my job, my home, my church and so many more that I tend to take for granted.  I will try to remember that the excitement of Christmas is not about the gifts we give, but about the love that was gifted to us through the birth of Christ.  I will remember that time spent with our friends and family is precious and not waste it wishing for something different.   This year, I will accept the emotions as they arrive, deal with them and move forward.

This year, I will find the Joy in MY holiday season.

 

Do I Really Matter?

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When I read newspaper articles or posts made on social media, I become overwhelmed.  There is so much going on in the world around us.  I do not understand the ugliness that seems to have become the norm.  We’ve just finished the mid-term elections.  I’ve seen this meme posted several times:

adult

Today was the first time I saw someone take issue with it, however. I have to admit, I kind of understand from where the person’s angst arises.  Within relationships, we find things in common.  On the flip side, if I’m supporting something that is harmful to you or your family, we are probably not going to remain friends.  I understand that.  I can even accept that.  But, does that mean we have to agree on EVERYTHING!  If so, I’m in trouble.  And that’s when I begin to feel overwhelmed.  How can I make it in a world when I’m going to find differences with everyone?  Am I doomed?  I can feel the panic rising as I type.

I have mixed feelings about a lot of issues.  And, I feel strongly about some issues as well.  As I have progressed in this life, I have become more conservative in my views.  Well, I don’t know that I’ve become more conservative, I’ve just been more willing to voice my opinions on some matters.

  • I’m not a feminist, but I do support women in the workplace.
  • I think all people deserve to be protected regardless of their race, personal partner choices or beliefs.  But, I don’t think any of these categories should make one group more important or relevant over any other group.
  • I am right to life.  I do not support abortion as a form of birth control.   I believe we need to step up and understand the responsibilities and consequences that come  as a result of the “free love” agenda our society teaches.  We have to find a better way to support the mothers in finding homes with loving families.
  • I believe ALL lives matter.  There are bad people of every color, race and sex.  As the Jackson 5 song said “One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch”.  We have to stop teaching hate to  people.
  • I don’t support socialized government.  Nothing is free.  Ever.

As I consider all of the angst and hatefulness that has occur in the just the past year both locally and nationally, I am prone to think “Do I really matter?  Is there anything that I can do to make a difference in the world? Do I have the right to make decisions based on my own values without being judged?”

I can’t change what happens anywhere but where I choose to plant myself.  In the Houston area, we saw amazing things happen after Hurricane Harvey.  People worked together and made a huge difference in the lives of others.  We saw all kinds of people unite, not because their ideals or beliefs matched.  They united because there was a need and that was what needed to be accomplished.

I can make a difference in my country and my city.  I can vote my conscience.  I can be part of the community by caring about the needs of my neighbors.  I can make myself aware of what should to be changed and support the good that is being done in and around me without throwing stones (or arrows.)  I need to be an accomplice of change, not any ally.  An accomplice is one who acknowledges there is a problem and then commits to stand in the gap without hope or expectation of reward. An ally is passive; an accomplice is active.

I can make a difference in my home.   I can teach my children and my grandchildren. my belief system as well as my own views.   And, then decide love and support them as they develop their own path.  My adult children haven’t made the same choices that I did or that I would have preferred in some cases.  However, I am only responsible for teaching, guiding and loving them. The consequences of their choices, good and bad, are totally on them.  I will not “disown” family members for taking a different stand than my own.  (I’ve seen it done.  It doesn’t work!)

I can make a difference in myself.  I can expand my horizons by reading and considering the views and opinions of others.  I can stay centered and calm in the midst of the chaos of life, taking only “small bites” as I can along the way.  I can choose to be happy and content where I am instead of chasing the “next good thing.”  I can accept the consequences of my choices and refuse the guilt of not being “good enough” for others.  I can trust in my God (and this is most important for me) to show me where and when and how to live this life that I have been given.

I don’t know where you stand on any of the issues, political or moral.  I don’t expect to change anyone’s mind on the issues.  I do, however, request you to respect my right to have my own view and opinions.  I will never agree with everyone on everything.  I have an inborn need to disagree on some level.  Our disagreements  and differences in viewpoints are what make us who we are.  It’s what makes us interesting instead of boring.  What do you think?  Can you make a difference?

Do I really matter to you?

If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you’ll get slapped in the face;
    confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins.
So don’t waste your time on a scoffer;
    all you’ll get for your pains is abuse.
But if you correct those who care about life,
    that’s different—they’ll love you for it!
Save your breath for the wise—they’ll be wiser for it;
    tell good people what you know—they’ll profit from it.
Skilled living gets its start in the Fear-of-God,
    insight into life from knowing a Holy God.
It’s through me, Lady Wisdom, that your life deepens,
    and the years of your life ripen.
Live wisely and wisdom will permeate your life;
    mock life and life will mock you.

Proverbs 9:10-12 MSG