Who Do You Follow?

May 5, 2023 by Melissa Jan

“When one of you says, “I’m on Paul’s side,” and another says, “I’m for Apollos,” aren’t you being totally childish?”
1 Corinthians 3:4 The Message

I grew up in a rural community in North Texas in a small Southern Baptist Church. Pastors didn’t seem to stay too long in our little town. They would come, do their work and then move to the next church. Four years was a long time in church years. We had summer youth director’s that came and invested in our lives for the summer and then went back to college to finish up and start their own lives. Rarely did we see or hear from them after they left.

Maybe it was because of the constant change, I came to realize that I was a part of my church not because of the pastor or the youth director. I was a part of the church because I was a follower of Jesus. While I was often sad when their time at our church ended, I knew that God was STILL a part of my life and I would continue to worship Him.

When I moved to the Houston area, the plethora of church choices was a bit overwhelming. Every denomination, large and small, surrounded me. I moved my letter to one church because I liked the pastor. He was well known and pastored one of the faster growing Houston Churches. But, I never got involved in the large metropolitan church. It was too easy to hide, too easy to get lost in the crowd. So, when another, smaller church came into my life, I jumped at the chance to join and be a part of the community. I fellowshipped and worshiped with my church family for 10 years under 3 pastors. I met my husband there. Both my children were born and dedicated while at this church. There were issues throughout that time. But our main focus never changed: WE WERE THERE TO WORSHIP GOD AND TO HONOR CHRIST.

My husband and I served on the staff of 4 churches during his lifetime. I saw people really focused on the Christlike goal. Unfortunately, I also witnessed a lot of politics and power grabbing too. We even took a break from ministry because of the politics of one particular congregation. That was a painful time. However, it reinforced my goal to seek Christ in my home church and not to focus on the leaders, the music or other members.

I know that a dynamic speaker will attract people. There’s nothing wrong with being a pastor and a great speaker. The run comes when the speaking (some would call it manipulation) is the primary goal and shepherding the ENTIRE family is not. I’ve seen churches founded and built on the abilities of the lead pastor to deliver strong and impassioned sermons. And, I’ve seen many of those churches fail when that pastor left or fell off of his pedestal.

So, I ask: WHO DO YOU FOLLOW?

When asked this question, do you talk about what church you attend or do you immediately say I follow Christ?

Do you follow a person that leads your church, your Sunday School, your Small Group, etc? Or, do you follow the risen Savior, Christ Jesus and go where He directs?

Do you depend upon the words of your chosen leader to guide you? Or, do you spend time in scripture and in prayer hearing what God would have you do?

Do you follow a leader that is concerned with getting the attention and the power? Or, do you follow a leader that points you to Christ and prepares you to grow and move in your own path of servanthood?

“But for right now, friends, I’m completely frustrated by your unspiritual dealings with each other and with God. You’re acting like infants in relation to Christ, capable of nothing much more than nursing at the breast. Well, then, I’ll nurse you since you don’t seem capable of anything more. As long as you grab for what makes you feel good or makes you look important, are you really much different than a babe at the breast, content only when everything’s going your way? When one of you says, “I’m on Paul’s side,” and another says, “I’m for Apollos,” aren’t you being totally childish? Who do you think Paul is, anyway? Or Apollos, for that matter? Servants, both of us—servants who waited on you as you gradually learned to entrust your lives to our mutual Master. We each carried out our servant assignment. I planted the seed, Apollos watered the plants, but God made you grow. It’s not the one who plants or the one who waters who is at the center of this process but God, who makes things grow. Planting and watering are menial servant jobs at minimum wages. What makes them worth doing is the God we are serving. You happen to be God’s field in which we are working.
1Corinthians 3:1-9 The Message

WHO DO YOU FOLLOW?

Regrets, Resolutions and the New Year

January 5, 2021 by Melissa Jan

New Year’s resolutions are a norm in our society. January 1^st is a good time to “draw a line in the sand” and make life changes. Unfortunately, those changes often don’t last as long as the month of January. I know that goal setting is an important part of a successful life. So, how to we set goals that are attainable and that make it through the ENTIRE year?

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”
Proverbs 16:9

I can’t begin the journey into the New Year without looking back. Actually, there’s a part of me that looks back every day. When I awaken in the morning, I see my husband and am reminded of the life we share. But, from my bed, I can also see a photograph of my life the way it was in 2005. It’s a photo of Terry, Zac, Gracie and me taken just a few weeks before Terry’s death. Each morning, I have the opportunity to give thanks for what I had yesterday as well as what I have today. Most goals begin with a look back.

Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19

While memories can be seductive, I cannot live in the past. There was a time when all I wanted to do was live in the past. I didn’t want to move forward. January 1 was a horrible day that marked another year of loss. Setting goals for myself was the only way to move forward. Simple goals were all I could handle: going to work every day; walking around the block; journaling every day. These very simple things were things that I could accomplish and enabled me to move forward with my life. I couldn’t change the past, but with God’s help, I could live in the present and influence my future.

“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?”
Luke 14:28

Some of the most common resolutions concern losing weight, getting fit, saving money, etc. The first quarter of the year is known as “the fitness season”. It’s during this time that people are most interested in getting gym memberships, buying fitness equipment, hiring trainers and other avenues of getting fit. It’s easy to set lofty goals. When you are trying to lose weight, seeing the scale drop only a pound in a week is discouraging. Yet, the healthiest and best way to maintain your weight loss is losing an average of a pound per week. Some weeks, the best you can achieve is not to gain weight. But, I know I get discouraged when there aren’t BIG changes to see.

Money Management is another good place to goal set. Its probably not be realistic to set a goal of saving a $1,000,000 this year. (Especially if you don’t have a net income of more than that!) But, there are ways to save. Having money taken immediately from your paycheck to a savings account is a no-brainer for me. I don’t have to think about it and the savings will add up. For me, I need a savings method that I can access, but not too easily. I have a small investment account that is accruing interest and dividends. The money is deducted each paycheck and I’m often surprised when I look at the amount I have saved.

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”
Proverbs 16:3

One area of goal setting that is often overlooked is tithing. One of the hardest things for me to implement was tithing from the “first fruits”. I wanted to be sure that I had enough money to cover the month BEFORE I made my tithe. What I have learned through the years is the importance of making the sacrifice and tithing first. My husband is very conscientious about tithing on every bit of income we have. Being able to make an online payment has made this much simpler. We give the first part to God. Period. I truly believe that tithing should be an integral part of every believer’s budgeting plan.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Philippians 4:8

As I look at the possibilities of 2021, I have set a few new goals:

Daily goal setting and journaling. I’m not good at this. I’ve been through several classes that taught the importance of handling each day as an investment. This year I have invested in a Christian planner to use and I hope that it will keep me on track.
Read through the Bible again (or more precisely, listen to the Bible). I have started an audio study that will take me through the Bible in a year. It’s amazing to me the new things I learn each time I do this.
Find new ways to serve others. I will continue to serve on my church’s prayer team. I am also in discussions to begin a grief support group. I want to help support others who are dealing with the death of a treasured family member.
Build the “artist” in me.
1. Refine my watercolor painting skills with on-line classes, etc.
1. Continue to quilt and sew to create usable pieces of art
1. Learn to use my embroidery machine

What goals/resolutions have you made for 2021?

Have you subdivided your yearly goals into manageable monthly (or weekly or daily) pieces?

Will you be a more complete person at the end of 2021 by reaching your goals/resolutions?

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.”
Hebrew 12: 1-2a

Three score & One

October 26, 2020 by Melissa Jan

Today, I am 61. I am 31 years past the dreaded 30th birthday. Hard to believe, but I’m still a living, functioning member of society. Life does exist beyond the 30’s. In this time, I have been a daughter, a student, an employee, a wife, a mother, a widow, a Mumzy, a 2nd wife and a stepmom. I’ve experienced many things, both good and bad. In my 3 score and 1 year, a lot has happened.

Be a good citizen. All governments are under God. Insofar as there is peace and order, it’s God’s order. So live responsibly as a citizen. If you’re irresponsible to the state, then you’re irresponsible with God, and God will hold you responsible. Duly constituted authorities are only a threat if you’re trying to get by with something. Decent citizens should have nothing to fear.
RRoman’s13:1-3 MSG

I was born during the Eisenhower administration. In my lifetime, there have been twelve US Presidents: one was assasinated, one resigned, one survived being shot, two were been impeached. The Supreme Court has seen 26 justices. Politics are never more evident than in today’s social media world. As I type this, one more justice is awaiting confirmation and the possibility of a 13th president hangs on the November election.

When I consider your heavens,
    the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
    which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
    human beings that you care for them?
Psalm 8:3. NIV

I followed the NASA missions and celebrated the triumphs and mourned the disasters. I remember the Apollo 1 fire as well as the Challenger and Columbia disasters. Before Tom Hanks brought it to life on the screen, I sat in my 4th grade classroom and listened as Apollo 13 made it safely back to earth. Skylab was launched and crashed to earth and the International Space Station was built.

Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.
Psalm 30:2 NIV

Todays young adults have never experienced measles, chicken pox or the mumps. I’ve had all three. I also have a small pox scar on my left arm. (I tried to explain the process to my kids and they just don’t get it.) I remember the sugar cube with the polio vaccine. AIDS, Ebola, Zika, Bird & Swine flu and now the coronavirus have all become part of our normal vocabulary.

Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.
Psalm 127:3 NIV

In these 60+ years, the nuclear family has moved from the normal to the exception. In my teen years, if you were having sex it was a secret. Today, if you are NOT having sex it’s an embarassment. Marriage is a convenience that is shunned by some and fought for by others. In the process of raising strong women, we have taught them that it’s “your body and your choice” even if that means murdering a part of yourself. I believe in choice. I just differ on the point at which that choice should be made. I have to join those that opine what would happen if our government supported adoption as strongly as it supports abortion rights.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Colossians 3:13

I’ve watched (and participated) in the social media growth. I love being able to stay in contact with friends and family on a daily basis. I despise the vitriol that is evident across the pages, however. I’ve watched as a good friend attacked another dear friend over a perceived political slight. I’ve been unfriended for being too “religious”. I’ve had to hide or unfriend some newer acquaintances that are just too militant and/or negative. I miss the days when you could have an opinion without being afraid of the attack.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Galatians 6:2

My college days were spent in east Texas at SFASU. In the early 80s, coming “out of the closet” seemed to be the thing to do. I did not always understand, but I have always believed that you have a right to love and be loved. So, while I may not have embraced the lifestyle, I still chose to embrace the friendships. I had an older friend and family member ask me how I reconciled my gay friends with my personal beliefs. She had been the recipient of an unexpected and unwanted sexual overture with a roommate during her college years. As a result, she was struggling the some of her favorite student’s lifestyle decisions. I explained that I loved these friends for who they were not their orientation. I have since realized that this is true of many things. I can love my friends even if we disagree about politics, religion, sex or any other difference. If I am invested in the person, the rest is just “window dressing”. I would hope that is reciprocated.

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
EECCLESIASTES 4:12 NIV

I’ve lived in the country and the city and learned that there are good and bad aspects to both. Community is where you decide it is. No matter how large or small the city, you live in your own small world. You make your home where you choose to find your contentment.

A person’s days are determine; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.
Job 14:5 NIV

I have no idea how much life is left in the 61 year old body. I do plan to continue to expand my horizions. I’ve taken up watercolor painting and quilting since my 60th birthday. In the past year, we’ve added two miniture goats to our family. They have been an education. I’m still active in my church and strive to be more than a “religious” person and I will conintue to share my beliefs. I love our blended family and look forward to our family continuing to grow. I continue to treasure the friendships I have from all of my years.

This is Sixty-one. This is me. I’m more comfortable in my skin that ever. I look forward to the journey around the sun. I hope and pray you make the trip with me.

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.

PSALM 139:13-16 MSG

Fishing or just Fishy?

May 15, 2020 by Melissa Jan

I have heard different versions of the idiom “fish or cut bait” for as long as I can remember. If someone is dragging their feet in a situation, fish or cut bait was a way to tell them to get busy or get out of the way. There are so many times when it’s easier to stay busy or “fish” without really committing to anything. For some, it’s hard to understand why it’s so difficult.

Change is hard. When change is thrust upon me, I have been known to dig in and do my best to stay put. It’s not always possible to avoid or to predict change. When my husband died, my brain knew he was gone, but my emotions were in denial for a very long time. I went through the motions of moving forward. I put on a good show. The reality, however, was that I just chose not to face things that were too difficult. My house fell apart around me. I spent money on things I didn’t really need. I buried myself in my kid’s activities. I refused to really engage in moving forward with my life. And, I did a pretty good job of fooling everyone, including myself for almost ten years. That’s when I realized that I wanted to live again. Love again. And to do that, I had to commit to pulling my life together.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

The decision to love again was a simple one for me. The reality of opening up my heart and confronting ALL of my feelings was a lot harder. I had to admit that I loved Terry with all that I had for a very long time. I had to face the pain that comes with that kind of love. I had to sort through the various emotions and process them. My husband had been gone almost ten years, but allowing my heart to love again felt dishonest, disrespectful. Again, my brain was very logical about it all. It was my emotions that were struggling. I had to make the decision to move forward. I had to decide where and how I wanted to live my life: in the past full of memories or in the future adding new memories to my list. It kind of sounds like a “no brainer” as I type these words, but the struggle to fish or cut bait was very real to me during that time. I could continue to sit and watch my life as a spectator or I could commit to accept the joys and the pain that come with actively participating in life.

There are people everywhere that struggle with making similar decisions. And, unfortunately, many of those people are in an unending cycle of martyrdom. The need for attention, support and even adoration from others because of their ordeal (real or imagined) is more important than living, changing or progressing. Have you ever had a friend that keeps reconciling with an ex? There may be a list a mile long of the problems that come with that particular relationship. All logic is superseded by the need to have “someone”, even a bad someone in their life. For a while, things may go well. Life is great. But, those bad behaviors resurface. And, it’s now your responsibility to sympathize with your friend, to encourage her to be strong, to relieve her of any blame. The cycle will continue, over and over, as long as the game is played. It’s easier to sit on the bank and pretend you are fishing with a knotted and tangled line than it is to cut the line and move to another spot.

“One who has isolated himselfseeks his own desires;he rejectsall sound judgment.
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding but only in disclosingwhat is on his mind.”
Proverbs 18:1-2 NEV

Our world is more interested in the sob stories than in the happy endings. Check out what you watch for entertainment. I grew up watching Gunsmoke and Bonanza. There were sad story lines, but the good guy always triumphed in the end. There was always an upside. In every episode, decisions were made and life moved forward. In some of my favorite shows today, it’s sometimes hard to decide who the good guy is. We root for the anti-hero; the brooding, suffering guy that’s just doing “the wrong thing for the right reason.” We adore and celebrate the darkness. And, we seem to need to emulate it.

I believe that we can grow and mature through our trials and mistakes. In an attempt to reconcile ourselves with the flaws that come with being human, we too often elevate these very flaws and venerate them as favors. We become enamored with the cracks that appear in life due to the struggles we endure. We seek the compassion and tenderness that is provided by our support system rather than strive to advance and perfect our own lives. It’s not easy to admit mistakes and correct the path forward.

When we are told to fish or cut bait, it doesn’t mean you have to walk away and start over. It just means you have to be committed to the path you choose. Invest fully in life choices. Stop complaining and looking for sympathy. Embrace your decision and don’t apologize.

So what will it be? Do you fish where you are; or, do you cut bait and move forward?

“Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.”
James 3:17-18 MSG

WHO NEEDS PEOPLE?

May 7, 2020 by Melissa Jan

“People,
People who need people,
Are the luckiest people in the world”
“People”
Jule Styne (music)
Bob Merrill (lyrics)

There words are from the 1964 song by Barbra Streisand. I have come to a greater understanding of the meaning during the past weeks. While I have been very grateful to keep in touch with my small group, my prayer team and my church family through Zoom, WebEx, Email and Streaming platforms, I have missed the physical connection. I miss the greetings and interaction with Billy and Carol every Sunday in “our” seats at Regal. I miss the hugs, laughter and discussion time with Otto, Sharon, Richard and others in our small group time on Wednesday. I miss sharing the joys and concerns of others during prayer time every Sunday with Dawid, Jane, Robert, et al. I miss hearing all of the voices together with the worship team in corporate worship time. I crave the actual physical interaction that comes with each of these groups. Hebrew 10:25 states:

“And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.”
Hebrews 10:25 TLB

Attending church services has been a part of my life for years. But, I now realize how very precious that time together truly is.

The Pandemic has also highlighted a few other things in our lives (some good and some not so good.) We have seen firsthand how self-serving actions can cause others to suffer with the toilet paper shortage. Panic came to the forefront and hoarding was the name of the game. I’ve lived through a few hurricanes and floods that caused Houston to shut down. But, I don’t think I’ve ever see things quite as bad, especially when there were no real shortages. There were people out to make a buck through stockpiling, but there were also people that were willing to give. One example is “Katy Neighbors Helping Neighbors”, a Facebook page started to share needs. If someone need baby wipes, or formula, or cleaning supplies or anything else, they could post their need. Usually, someone would offer to share or knew a store that had it in stock. I saw LOTS of sharing and meeting needs on that site. Food pantries were stretched to the extreme, and people stepped up to help and meet the needs.

Families have been forced to be together. Kids are doing school on line from home. Parents may be working from home. There’s no escaping with restaurants only serving take-out and malls and movie theaters closed. I’ve seen parents step up and get involved with their kids school time. Game nights (or afternoons) have come back into style. This has been an opportunity to learn something new through on-line classes. I’ve heard of some grandmothers that have done sewing and/or cooking lessons with their grandchildren via facetime or other apps. There has been time for family walks or bike rides, family meals, or just family time.

How wonderful and pleasant it is
when brothers live together in harmony!
Psalm 133:1 TLB

As we begin the process of reopening Texas and the rest of these United States, I hear mixed messages. There is frustration that things are not moving faster. And, there is the fear that we are moving too fast. I hear about the need to return to work as well as the complaints from those who receive more on unemployment than they do at their job. I see the excitement for the return of socializing mixed with concern over the continued social distancing guidelines. It’s easy to fall prey to fear and depression that accompanies the seemingly overwhelming task ahead of us. We are approaching a “new” normal. Masks will continue to be the accessory of choice for many. Hand-washing has moved up in priority (where it should have been all along.) I’ve joined the ranks of actually USING the hand-sanitizer I carry with me. Fist bumps will replace handshakes. Air hugs and kisses may be the “thing” for a while. We will survive this time. We will adjust. I refuse to give into fear mongering.

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.
Matthew 6:34 TLB

What has your experience during the Covid-19 pandemic been? Have you found meaning in some of the “norms” that you took for granted. Have you spent time with your family and strengthened those ties? Are you ready to step back into the reopened world?

The Lord is my shepherd;
    I have all that I need.
He lets me rest in green meadows;
    he leads me beside peaceful streams.
    He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
    bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk
    through the darkest valley^,
I will not be afraid,
    for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
    protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
    My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
    all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
    forever.
Psalm 23 TLB

The Glass Half Empty

March 25, 2020 by Melissa Jan

Why are our measurements and comparisons often negative?

When discussing the current pandemic, we focus on the number of current cases and deaths. While these are a valid numbers, why are the number of recoveries not mentioned?

Instead of celebrating that I have a safe home in which to live, I complain about the size or the style or the changes than need to be made.

I look at my overly full closet and moan about having nothing to wear.

My pantry and refrigerator are fully stocked, but I yearn to eat out in a sit down restaurant.

I bemoan coming to work (as an identified essential) while others are sheltering at home. But, I neglect to be thankful for an income and a faster commute.

I watch with fear as the price of oil drops and forget to enjoy the cheaper gas costs.

I whine about not being able to see/visit with my friends in family groups or at church. However, I overlook the opportunities this affords me to spend time studying, crafting and concentrating on my family.

It’s easy to concentrate on what we are missing or losing. This pandemic is affecting weddings and funerals, work and vacations. Maybe, this is a time to refocus on what is important. It’s the marriage that should be the focus, not the wedding. We should cherish the living instead of waiting until it’s too late. We need to count ourselves fortunate that we can work without letting it be the focus of our lives. And, the best vacations are all about spending time with the ones that we love and cherish, not the location that we visit or the entertainment.

Life will return to normal. We will get to have the celebrations as well as all the other options for entertainment and/or travel. Our routines will again take over our lives. One can only hope and pray that we do not forget the positive lessons that we learn right now.

There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:
A right time for birth and another for death,
A right time to plant and another to reap,
A right time to kill and another to heal,
A right time to destroy and another to construct,
A right time to cry and another to laugh,
A right time to lament and another to cheer,
A right time to make love and another to abstain,
A right time to embrace and another to part,
A right time to search and another to count your losses,
A right time to hold on and another to let go,
A right time to rip out and another to mend,
A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
A right time to love and another to hate,
A right time to wage war and another to make peace.
But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I’ve had a good look at what God has given us to do—busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time—but he’s left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he’s coming or going. I’ve decided that there’s nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That’s it—eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It’s God’s gift.
I’ve also concluded that whatever God does, that’s the way it’s going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God’s done it and that’s it. That’s so we’ll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear.
Whatever was, is.
Whatever will be, is.
That’s how it always is with God.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-15 MSG

The “I” in Christmas

December 9, 2019 by Melissa Jan

I think one of my favorite Christmas memories is from 1982. That was my first Christmas totally on my own. I had moved to Houston for my first “grown-up” job. This was the first Christmas that I purchased all my Christmas gifts with my own money. I loved shopping for the perfect gift for each family member. And what was even better? I didn’t have to limit myself to just one gift. I set my own budget and made my choices. It was great!

My next Christmas memory is from 1988, the first Christmas that I didn’t spend with my parents. It was the 2^nd Christmas after Terry and I were married. I was pregnant with our son and we spent that Christmas in Houston. We were serving part-time in a church north of Houston and Christmas fell on a Sunday that year. The church leadership decided that we should have our normal Sunday School and Church service that Sunday as well as a Christmas Eve service on Saturday night. We spent weekends in a drab little house next to the church. The furniture was old, the bed uncomfortable. Our tree, gifts and dog were all in our apartment back in Houston. After the Christmas Eve service, Terry and I went back to our little weekend house. While he prepared spaghetti for supper, I went into the bedroom and cried. I was homesick and (if I’m honest) a little hurt by the lack of consideration from our church. After some discussion, we loaded up the spaghetti and headed back to Houston for the night. We got back to our apartment about 11:00pm. For our Christmas gifts, we had agreed to a dollar limit and decided to fill a stocking for each other. So, late that night, we feasted on spaghetti and opened our stocking gifts. We drove the 2 hours back to the little church in time for Sunday School the next morning. I was so grateful for the tenderness and understanding of my husband that Christmas. At was the greatest gift.

It’s hard to pick a favorite Christmas with my Kids. I loved shopping for them and seeing their excitement. I think I enjoyed even more, the days when we would take them shopping for each other. I will always remember the excitement of looking for the “best” gift for a sibling or a parent. I believe we taught them that giving is what Christmas is all about.

I find it disappointing when I see the joy of Christmas giving transformed into the greed of Christmas getting. When I hear comments like “No one asked me what I wanted” or “I don’t want some cheap thing, I want a REAL gift” my heart sinks a little. I don’t think it’s wrong to ask for input on Christmas gifts. But, I think it’s also acceptable to be creative and give from the heart. A handmade gift tells such a different story than a mass produced one. Have I gotten things I didn’t need or want? Yes. And, I try to find something to treasure in each gift, even if it’s only the thought.

Too many of us get caught in the trap of chr”I”stmas where “I” is the most important part of the word. When that happens, it’s all about ME:

“I” want (fill in the blank)
“I” need to be central this holiday season
“I” will not be inconvenienced.
“I” don’t care what you need unless it works for me.
“I” deserve to be happy.

The holiday season can be very difficult and life experiences often exaggerate issues.

The family that is missing a key member for the holidays, grieves for the loss of the person as well as many customs. You may not be able to carry on all of your traditions. Why not try something new this year. Don’t be afraid to be original. After my husband died, I didn’t want to celebrate. It took a few years to face Christmas with any type of joyful spirit. When we were ready, we changed a few things. Our tree was no longer traditional. It was white and decorated in pink, purple, orange and lime green. We used flamingos and boas to liven it up. We still added a Santa figure to Terry’s collection and a house to his village. But, we found new ways to move forward.

Blended families may being a competitiveness to the holidays. There may be a desire to provide the “best” experience. And, when adult children marry it adds another level of stress to the holidays. There are expectations of family traditions from every branch of the family. It can be exhausting trying to live up to it all. Young families need to set their own traditions and accept that not everything will remain the same. We celebrate the Sunday before Thanksgiving and Christmas with our children and their significant others. That’s frees up the actual holiday for whatever the individual family groups need/want to do. I’ll spend some “Mumzy time” with my grandson as well.

Too often, the holidays are a stress on the budget. You may feel the need to spend money you really don’t have and as a result, go into debt. I think I forget the lesson from the story of the Little Drummer Boy. He gave what he had. He played his drum. It didn’t matter that there were greater gifts being given. He gave what he had. When we give the best that we can, it shouldn’t have to live up to anything else. It is the BEST.

When “I” become the center of the holiday season, I miss the reason of the season.

When “I” stress about living up to the expectations that others set for me (or my gifts), I ignore the true gift that we celebrate each Christmas.

When “I” focus on what makes ME happy, I don’t have time to see what others need or have to offer.

I need to keep the holidays in focus. I need to remember that it is CHRiSTMAS and I have a very small part of it. The joy of Christmas is in celebrating the birth of Christ, the greatest gift EVER!

There were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly, God’s angel stood among them and God’s glory blazed around them. They were terrified. The angel said, “Don’t be afraid. I’m here to announce a great and joyful event that is meant for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David’s town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you’re to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and lying in a manger.”
At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God’s praises:
Glory to God in the heavenly heights,
Peace to all men and women on earth who please him.
As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. “Let’s get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us.” They left, running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger. Seeing was believing. They told everyone they met what the angels had said about this child. All who heard the sheepherders were impressed.
Mary kept all these things to herself, holding them dear, deep within herself. The sheepherders returned and let loose, glorifying and praising God for everything they had heard and seen. It turned out exactly the way they’d been told!
Luke 2:8-20 MSG

Shredded Tires, a Pillar of Salt and Life

July 9, 2019 by Melissa Jan

We’ve all seen the sign that warns of tire damage if you backup. You can move forward and the spikes lay flat. But, backup or go the wrong direct, and your tires are shredded. There’s no turning back when you see this sign. You are forced to “go with the flow” and drive forward.

How many times have I wanted a “do over” during my lifetime? This is especially true after I’ve made a decision and things haven’t gone exactly as planned. My mind goes into overdrive with “what if” and “if only” thoughts. I’m plagued with plans on how to “go back” and “fix it;.” But, truthfully, that’s not an option. Any time spent trying to go back will be wasted and will come at a cost to myself and may to those around me.

^“But Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.”
Genesis 19:26 MSG

Lot and his family were living Sodom and Gomorrah. Angels visited and instructed Lot to take his family and “run for your life! Don’t look back! Don’t stop anywhere on the plain—run for the hills or you’ll be swept away.” God was saving them from the destruction that was coming. Lot had seen the debauchery. He and his family trusted the Angels and started on their way. But, what if the city wasn’t so bad after all? If only there was one more chance. Lot’s wife couldn’t move forward. She was too caught up in what she was leaving behind. She turned back and the entire family was affected by her decision.

“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.”
Philippians 3:12-14 MSG

As a young mother, I remember being overwhelmed. I worked a full time demanding job. We had two young children. My husband and I always seemed to have more month than money. It was easy to wonder: “What if I was single and going out with my co-workers? If only I didn’t have all these responsibilities. Don’t I deserve to be happy and have fun?” It was a tough time in our marriage. Ultimately, I realized that I couldn’t go back and could only move forward with the decisions I had made about my life. And, I’m so glad that I did.

In our world, choosing ME over anything is what we are told to do. I need to find MY happiness. I am the most important person in my life. God wants ME to be happy or He wouldn’t have brought (fill in the blank) into MY life. It’s too easy to find an excuse to abandon what I have for something that “might be”. I become my own worst enemy. I plot and scheme to make God fit into the itinerary I have made for my life. And when that doesn’t work, my first thought is to try again. I’m certain I know best. Sound familiar?

I’ve watched so many families/marriages implode because reality has overtaken the fairy tale. Things aren’t as perfect as we want. Prince Charming’s armor is a little dented & tarnished and those glass slippers really pinch your toes. You begin to look back, to wonder: “Maybe I married too quickly. What if I had waited for the Jack of Hearts to take and interest. He’s really cute.” And before you even recognize what has happened, you’re a pillar of salt. Stuck in the wilderness you thought you wanted. You’ve destroyed your future. You’ve destroyed your family. In an effort to recapture what might have been, you have chosen to backup and have suffered severe “damage your tires.”

What can we learn from this? Is there any hope? I believe there is. While I don’t think any of us “deserve” to be happy, I know that I can “choose” to be happy and content in any circumstance. You see, when I stopped looking at all of the fun that my single friends were having all those years ago, I realized something. They were looking for a life JUST LIKE MINE! Every one of them wanted a home and a family. I must had to stop day-dreaming about what might have been and embrace what really WAS. My reality was a husband that loved me as much as he irritated me. My reality was a son and a daughter that just wanted to spend time with me: quantity over quality. My reality was God always provided for all of our needs. I made the decision to invest in my less than perfect marriage. I began to focus on what I could DO to bring joy to my husband and my children instead of what I thought I was missing. And you know what? The best years of my marriage started right then!

“But that’s no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.” E
Ephesians 4:20-24 MSG

You can never go back. Whether good or bad, that is the past. You can only move forward.

“Remember what happened to Lot’s wife! If you grasp and cling to life on your terms, you’ll lose it, but if you let that life go, you’ll get life on God’s terms.”
Luke 17:32-33 MSG

Is Love Worth the Pain?

May 14, 2019 by Melissa Jan

I learned a lot from grief. I learned that my identity was as a wife, a mother and a daughter. When I lost my husband, and later my dad, a lot of what made me feel whole seemed to disappear. For years, I submerged myself in my role as “mom”. I needed my kids as much as they needed me. As they grew up and moved on with their lives, I again lost my touch point, my anchor. Where did I belong? How would I make a difference? It was a struggle. I forgot what it meant to be just “me”.

Have you ever felt the effects of too much caffeine? That jumpy, panicky feeling became normal for me. Most days, I felt like I need to crawl out of my own skin. On the days when my kids weren’t around or I didn’t have to work, I stayed in bed. It was easier to sleep than to face my reality. I didn’t keep up with my house or my yard. I avoided being at home as much as I could. I didn’t know how to ask for help. I didn’t know if there was any help. I was overwhelmed. I was supposed to be strong and I was embarrassed to admit that I was failing in every area. I just tried to keep my head above water.

I lived this way for almost 10 years. I knew I had to get used to my new “normal” and believed that I had dealt with my grief. I helped with grief recovery groups. I put on a good face. I didn’t realize that I was living with depression. All the things that had given my life meaning seemed to be disappearing. My son and daughter didn’t need a hands-on mom. I had accepted that I would live out the rest of my life alone. It had been long enough. I had to get over it all. I had to close the door on the part of my life that wanted to be loved and accepted.

But, I had a friend that listened to me. A friend heard what I said and what I didn’t really want heard. He asked questions I didn’t want to answer. He probed into areas that were off-limits. He recommended counseling. He encouraged me to trust again. He challenged me to open the doors that I had closed and sort through those emotions and dreams. He waited patiently to be allowed into all areas of my life.

There are many that question the choices I’ve made over the last four years. And, there are those that frankly, just disapprove of the life I now have. I’ve heard the whispers and I’ve seen the looks. I don’t have any doubts that I am exactly where I need to be. I married my dearest friend. I have never felt safer or more secure. I am loved deeply and completely. Our life is not without its challenges and frustrations, but we face them together.

I have learned that grief is love turned upside down. I will never give up the opportunity to experience a deep and passionate love in order to avoid the pain of grief. Love is worth EVERYTHING!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

March 28, 2019 by Melissa Jan

When Aretha Franklin recorded this Otis Redding Song, she declared she was a strong & confidant woman who has everything a man could want. She demands his respect. But, what is RESPECT?

I ask the question because we don’t seem to understand the term in this day and age. Respect is given to a person we admire, to a position of authority or honor, or to a boundary that denotes space or possession. Respect can be defined in several ways and the definition in which I am most interested is:

“to consider worthy of high regard” syn: admire, appreciate, consider, esteem, regard

Throughout my life, I have known people that I personally had difficulty respecting. Due to personal or work ethics, I did not respect anything about them. I could however, respect their position of authority. It was easy to complain and whine about the how unworthy these persons were. It often proved to be very difficult to give respect to the position they held. But, I knew it was necessary for me to do just that. In a business setting, I could force myself to give at least a token respect since my job quite literally could depend upon it. Unfortunately, I think it can be particularly difficult to respect a position or a stand, when the offense is from a member of our family or the Church.

Philippians 2: 1-8 (MSG) says this:

“If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human!Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion.”

If Christ was able to put aside his own status and take on the status of a slave, then shouldn’t I be able to offer grace to those people that just drive me nuts? Christ knew that Judas would betray Him. Yet, He still included Judas within the twelve. He still showed love and compassion to His betrayer. Is there anything in my world that excuses me from giving that same love and compassion and even respect to others in some form?

Respect is almost a foreign concept in our world where “self” is the most important part of life. We are told:

You deserve to happy. Don’t waste your life. Chase happiness.
The harder you work, the more you will get, and the happier you will be.
It’s a dog eat dog world. Grab what you can before it’s gone.
Whoever has the most “stuff” wins.

When I, ME, and MINE are the most used terms in my vocabulary, esteem of others is impossible. If I refuse to take responsibility when I hurt or offend another person, I show just how much I respect them. When I gossip, complain or talk about friends or family to others, I lose the respect and trust of the very people I am attempting to impress.

There are lots of areas where disagreement is not only possible but encouraged. We see that evidenced in all areas of politics. And I’m using the term “politics” quite broadly. Aside from the government, politics encompasses the total complex of relations between people living in society. We see politics in our family and business relations. We have seen the politics of the Church evidenced from the time of the Pharisees all the way through the various denomination squabbles of today.

We can have disagreements. We can have convictions. But, ultimately, we have to find a way to be “deep-spirited”: especially within the Church. In my younger days, I had no patience with anyone that didn’t follow the letter of the law. I was a self appointed judge and jury who practiced religion. And no matter how meticulous I was, my actions were worthless because my motives and actions were not based upon the grace that I myself had been given. There are areas that are not up for debate, but that doesn’t mean that I have the right to run roughshod and force-feed my convictions to others. As I matured, I realized the need for tenderness. I found that allowing a person grace and compassion was much more effective in guiding them to the truth. And, along the way, I discovered that some of my “laws” were really based on religion not faith. Respect doesn’t mean I have to agree with you. I don’t even have to approve of you or your actions. But, I do need to respect the person that God has lovingly created.

That’s a hard pill for this controlling person to swallow at times. I’m still learning. I’m still trusting. I pray that I’m T-C-B: Taking Care of Business.

Melissa's Musings

on purple and other important things. . .

Category Archives: old vs new