A Prayer for my Children

As a mom, I have felt the joy and the pain of watching my children succeed, fail, love, mourn, laugh and cry.  I gave birth to and reared G & Z.  We’ve been through so much together:  great successes in school sports and music, spiritual awakening and growth, &  the death of their father.  I’m also privileged to have  three “gift with purchase” kids (K, R & J) that came with my second marriage.  I have known these three most of their lives, so I have seen them cope with many of life’s challenges as  well.  I also have a beautiful daughter-in-love (L) as well as a handsome grandson (JT).  I’ve had the privilege of “mothering” a “daughter-in-my-heart” (KM) that I have loved as my own for many years as she dealt with growing up after the death of her mom.  And, soon, we add another to the family as K & A are wed this fall.

One of the most difficult things I’ve had to learn through the years, is I can’t control everything that happens to my kids.  The good or the bad, it’s coming regardless of what I do.  I can warn and encourage, but ultimately, the decisions are their own.  These are the things I pray for my children:

  1.  Have the courage to be yourself.  You don’t have to remake  yourself to fit someone else’s ideals and you don’t need to bully your way through life.  You are special just the way you are.  Be confident in the abilities that God has given you and use them to build relationships, both professional and personal.  You don’t need to be part of a couple to be complete.  Value your independence and develop your whole being.
  2. Be content where God has you, but prepared to move forward in His timing.  It’s hard to be patient and wait for the right relationship or the best job to open up for you.  Do your best in all things.  Never stop working and improving yourself.  But, don’t try to handle things all on your own.  Remember that God has a plan for you and it’s all in his timing.
  3. If you commit yourself to another in marriage, remember you are in this for life.  Relationships are difficult at best.  It’s easy to take short-cuts and our world excuses and often encourages the failure of marriage.  Love your partner completely.  And by that I mean, always look out for whats best for him/her.  Your own wants should come in second.  Marriage is not about control.  It’s a partnership.  Loving someone doesn’t give you the authority to order them around.  Nor does love allow you to scream and call names to get your own way.  There will be disagreements in any relationship.  Don’t allow arguments to escalate into screaming matches.  Love fully and completely without selfish manipulation.
  4. Protect the intimacy that was designed to be shared with your spouse.  Beware of society’s bad advice.  Love is NOT just about sex and desire.  Sex should not be an automatic part of dating.  Sex should remain special not common place.  Girls, learn to protect the men in your life by dressing with modesty.  Boys, look out for the women you love and don’t promise love when you just desire the physical.  Love yourself enough to protect yourself, body & soul.
  5. Build lasting relationships.  Friends are important in life.  Find and cultivate relationships that challenge you to grow and mature.  In a marriage, friendship is essential.  The fires of passion may have spurred you into marriage.  Be assured that those fires will cool.   But, as you develop your relationship in other ways, the flames of true and lasting love will be stoked and burn even more brightly.
  6. If you choose to marry, don’t settle.  Many of those “cute” characteristics that you find so endearing and attractive today, will drive you crazy later.  You may try to overlook irritants and decide you can change them later.  Please hear me:  THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN!  You do not marry someone to change them.  You adjust to and for the person you marry.  Marry the person you can’t imagine living without, not the one you think you can live with.
  7.  Be aware of everything you say and do. Learn to filter what you say so you don’t offend.   And then FORGIVE, FORGIVE, FORGIVE.   Practiving “forgive and forget” is incredibly hard.   Make forgiveness a part of your everyday life.  Don’t hesitate to ask for it or to give it.
  8. Never stop building your relationship with God.  When you are at peace with God, you will be a better friend and/or spouse.  Make the effort to spend time with other believers.   If Sunday’s are your only day to sleep late and you just CANNOT give that up, there are other opportunities to grow your faith.  Cultivate time with God.  If you would get up early to go tail-gating, there’s not excuse for not getting up for church.  Don’t fall into the habit of “saying a little prayer and crossing your fingers” to get what you want.  God is not an awesome “Santa Claus” that provides whatever you want,  He is, however, the authority on all the things that occur in our lives.  The low times are much easier to confront and navigate when we’ve included God  in the good times.

Life can be wonderful and awful.  Do your best to be the best influence on everyone you meet.  Be the brightest part of the day.


The Old Ways


Anyone that has been around me for very long knows that I love music.  There are few things as satisfying to me as singing really tight well tuned harmonies with others.  That’s one of the reasons I love to sing the “old” hymns.  They were written for harmony.  With that type of music, you don’t need all the instrumentation:  the voices are the instruments.

But, I also love the “new” music (at least some of it!)  Technology has moved us past simple piano/organ accompaniments.  We now have  so  many variations of guitars, drums, keyboards, etc.   It’s fun to see all of the components fit together and the excitement often builds with the noise level.

I get amused when people start comparing music styles.  The argument for singing hymns is often the history and the message in each of them.  I jokingly refer to the  blue Baptist Hymnal with which I grew up as “God’s Hymnal.”  Between the King James Bible and the Baptist Hymnal, we had a lock on all things religiously important!  I still love many of the hymns from that hymnal:  #96 At Calvary, #240 Just as I Am.  I knew the page numbers of the hymns we sang quite often by heart.  I could also sing verses 1, 2 & 4 from memory for many of those.

But changes occur.  The first ripple I remember was “The Good News for Modern Man” version of the Bible.  It was easier to understand, but was still not treated as “THE Bible.”  Then came the Living Bible and the New American Standard Bible.  Newer translations and paraphrases were used more and more.  The New International Version moved onto the scene as well as The Message and countless others.  And none caused a bigger stir in the Baptist world as the introduction of the NEW Baptist Hymnal.  The hymn numbers were different.  They included some of the “new” songs like “Pass It On” and “He’s Everything to Me.” Some people still were lamenting the loss of the Broadman Hymnal with the shaped notes and the “real” hymns.  I remember the comments at the time.  But, we  moved forward and the world as we know it did not end.  We continued to have church, we continued to sing.  We just did it differently.

Just as I use various translations and paraphrases of the Bible to study and learn, I use different styles of music to worship and enjoy.  “The Old Rugged Cross” is still dear to me.  “Victory in Jesus” will never go out of style.  And the memories that these older songs bring up are precious indeed.  My college years were filled with music by Amy Grant, Dallas Holme & Praise, the Imperials and other contemporary artists of the day.  They were loud and new-fangled to my parents, but they are old-fashioned to my kids way of thinking.

I recently had a conversation with one of my daughters and she commented on the old music being played by the local Christian radio station.  I couldn’t help but laugh.  The “old” stuff was MercyMe, Chris Tomlin, and other artists I still consider relevant.  But, the praise music we hear today is more often from Bethel, Elevation, or the newest Hillsong iteration.  Within Contemporary Christian music, a new division has been emerged:  Praise and Worship.  The other stuff is just old and boring.

I will continue to enjoy both the old and the new.  There are new versions of the old hymns introduced every year.  Who hasn’t been moved by “My Chains are Gone” or “The Wonderful Cross” or “Cornerstone”.  All use hymns as their basis.  I can’t wait to see where music is in 10 years.  Will “What a Beautiful Name” or “Oceans” join the ranks of “Because He Lives” and “Shout to the Lord” as “old” hymns?  Will we continue our trek back to tighter harmonies and more unplugged sessions?  Just as fashions seem to come back into style and translations change, what music will be popular again?

And in case you’re interested, there are songs that move me to tears in just a few notes:  “The Strategic Air Command March”, “Under the Double Eagle” and “Stars and Stripes Forever”.  All are marches (not hymns) that bring up some very bright and wonderful memories for me of my years playing trombone with my high school band.  Music speaks to the soul.  You may have a particular genre that you prefer and that is just fine.  Please allow that others react differently.  Just because it’s new (and maybe loud) don’t discard it immediately.  Let God use His music of all kinds to speak to you.

19 Talk with each other much about the Lord, quoting psalms and hymns and singing sacred songs, making music in your hearts to the Lord. 20 Always give thanks for everything to our God and Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

Ephesians 5:19-20 TLB

So, that was Christmas. . .

It’s December 26th,  the day after Christmas.  Some of us have already gone back to the office.  Others are still enjoying time off.  There are ski trips to take, family to visit, and malls to invade with after Christmas sales and gift cards.  What was the holiday for you?

Because Christmas eve was on Sunday this year, many churches in our area held  Christmas Eve services instead of the normal Sunday morning services.  I was quite happy to attend the service in the morning, but I heard more than a few people grumble about not having an evening service.  I was amazed to hear the grumbling and grousing about it all.  After all, what would it take to do just one little service that evening?  Having been married to a minister for many years and also being an active volunteer for more years than that, let me tell you what that would entail.

For a regular Sunday morning service, the worship team arrives at least an hour earlier than the scheduled service.  And any setup, has to be done even earlier than that.   For the church I attend, the worship team is asked to be on stage by 7:45am and the setup crew starts at arrives begins to unload before 7:00am.  Even in churches that are not “mobile”, the worship leader (or music minister, jack-of-all trades) has to arrive early enough to get the sound system and stage areas setup and to solve any issues that may arise due to damage to said equipment during the previous days.  If there are multiple services, you may have multiple setups to do depending on the location and style of each service.  At my former church, on a normal Sunday, the praise team & band will lead  3 services that cover 2 different styles of music.  By the time you get there at 11:00, they’ve already been going 2 1/2 hours at least.  And there’s always someone ready to complain about the type of music, the speed of the music, the volume of the band or even how involved any of the members seemed to be during the service(s).

So, let’s consider this past Sunday.  There were 3 Christmas Eve services at my church.  Everything was ready to go by 9:00 am.  The videos were ready.  The prelude music was playing.  The donuts and coffee were in place.  All of the lighting was working and every seat in the theater where we meet had a special bracelet that was synced to the music that would be played/sung that morning.  There was a full band, a worship team, a sound & lighting crew.  There was also a kid’s praise team that was choreographed for a Christmas song.  We had a great time and were done by 9:55 am.  The people attending at 10:00 were lined up as we walked out.  There were volunteers busily making last-minute adjustments for the next service and then it began all over again.  And that happened once more at 11:00am.  By the time all three packed services were done and everything put away, the crew and worship team had spent 5 hours preparing and leading.  And that doesn’t count any rehearsal time outside of that Sunday.   They were ready to crash and enjoy their own families after that.

Having been married to a minister for several years and a volunteer for many more years, the holidays add a whole different level of stress.  Families often suffer as Mom and/or Dad are involved in  numerous rehearsals and planning sessions.  Family Christmas celebrations take 2nd place to providing the perfect Christmas Eve  or Christmas Day service(s) for everyone else.   Trying to figure out how to feed grumpy kids on Christmas Eve when you have to be getting everything prepped in the late afternoon and then won’t be done for several hours makes the holidays a bit irksome at times.  And, if you know a minister that has extended family living in another town (or state), you know a minister and family that been forced to drive on Christmas Day to get to celebrate the holidays with family.

I’m not complaining about the years I spent as a volunteer.  Some of the best worship times for me happened during rehearsal and setup before the “real” service.  I just wish people would consider how much work it takes to make it look so easy.  Let your worship team members and leaders know how much you appreciate them.  Maybe you don’t care for the music or the volume, but at least you have the opportunity to worship (and not like it) every week.  Your worship leaders very seldom hear the compliments, but they ALWAYS hear the complaints.

Wishing you a wonderful 2018!  Let’s make it a great year full of joy, laughter and love for our church family.