We have a blended family that includes 5 adult children that range in age from 20-30 years old. We are firmly entrenched in the marriage stage of life. So far, we’ve had 3 weddings: Zac in 2016, Kyle in 2018 and Reagan was married this weekend. Three down and two to go.
As a parent, there are lots of thoughts and emotions that arise when one of your children moves toward marriage. You want the best for your child. You pray they are making sound choices. There’s the joy (and lets be honest the stress) of adding another person to your family as well as the new extended family. Weddings are fun, beautiful, joyful, frustrating, tiring and hard work. And, after the party is over, the REAL work begins in earnest.
Marriage is a constant exercise in give and take. According to statistics, almost 50 percent of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce or separation. Researchers estimate that 41 percent of all first marriages end in divorce. Of the remaining 50 to 59 percent of marriages, I wonder how many would rate their marriages as “successful”. I love being married. I was married for 18 years, widowed for 10 years and celebrate my fourth anniversary in a few months with my new husband. I had a successful first marriage and I consider my current marriage a success.
So, what makes marriage so difficult? I think the answer is pretty simple: selfishness. When I concentrate on “ME” and “MY WANTS”, I cannot put my marriage first. My selfishness takes precedence. I recently saw a sign that said: “Want a bad marriage? Put yourself first. “Want a good marriage? Put your spouse first. “Want a great marriage? Put God first.”
There is so much truth in these words. If I concentrate on what God wants, I will take care of my spouse. It doesn’t matter if my spouse reciprocates. I am still responsible for seeking a Godly marriage. And if my spouse also seeks a Godly marriage, so much the better!!
We’ve all heard and/or read 1 Corinthians 13, also known as “The Love Chapter”. I find that putting scripture into my own words, makes it a little more real to me. This is my personal interpretation of a few of the love verses.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7, 13 (Melissa’s words)
Love is valuable. It is worth everything to me.
Love keeps going even through the hard
Love gives to others instead of taking for itself.
Love is happy in its’ own yard. There are no greener pastures.
Love doesn’t exist only when it gets attention.
Love doesn’t allow my selfish wants to conflict with those I love.
Love doesn’t manipulate to get its’ way.
Love plays 2nd fiddle at times.
Love is calm in the face of conflict or disappointment.
Love has learned the art of forgive and forget.
Love doesn’t take pleasure in making others beg for attention
Love speaks the truth (even when it hurts.)
Love withstands any attack.
Love is from God and trusts that He is in control.
Love often wears “rose colored” glasses and sees the good in a difficult situation.
Love never asks “what if” and longs for something (or someone) else Love stands firm and stays true to its’ vows and commitments.
There are three things that will make me successful in life: Trust, Hope and Love. And Love is the one that is my focus.
We all crave love. We want to be adored and cherished. Too often, however, we confuse lust with love and settle for less than the best God has for us. We have found that we can avoid solving issues within relationships by moving on to new relationships. There is excitement in the chase. We use the excuses “I’m just not happy and I deserve happiness”, “We’ve just grown apart and have nothing in common”, or (the biggest lie from Satan) “God wouldn’t have brought him/her into my life if He didn’t want me to be with him/her.” Just as Eve allowed the Serpent to persuade her to eat the forbidden fruit, we listen to the world and throw love and commitment to the wolves in order to have a moment of excitement and fun.
As my children begin and continue to grow their marriages and their own families, I pray that the words of 1 Corinthians 13 will ring true and keep them on the true path.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.1 Corinthians 12:4-7,13 NIV