The Old Ways

February 5, 2018 by Melissa Jan

church-pews-hymnal-bible

Anyone that has been around me for very long knows that I love music. There are few things as satisfying to me as singing really tight well tuned harmonies with others. That’s one of the reasons I love to sing the “old” hymns. They were written for harmony. With that type of music, you don’t need all the instrumentation: the voices are the instruments.

But, I also love the “new” music (at least some of it!) Technology has moved us past simple piano/organ accompaniments. We now have so many variations of guitars, drums, keyboards, etc. It’s fun to see all of the components fit together and the excitement often builds with the noise level.

I get amused when people start comparing music styles. The argument for singing hymns is often the history and the message in each of them. I jokingly refer to the blue Baptist Hymnal with which I grew up as “God’s Hymnal.” Between the King James Bible and the Baptist Hymnal, we had a lock on all things religiously important! I still love many of the hymns from that hymnal: #96 At Calvary, #240 Just as I Am. I knew the page numbers of the hymns we sang quite often by heart. I could also sing verses 1, 2 & 4 from memory for many of those.

But changes occur. The first ripple I remember was “The Good News for Modern Man” version of the Bible. It was easier to understand, but was still not treated as “THE Bible.” Then came the Living Bible and the New American Standard Bible. Newer translations and paraphrases were used more and more. The New International Version moved onto the scene as well as The Message and countless others. And none caused a bigger stir in the Baptist world as the introduction of the NEW Baptist Hymnal. The hymn numbers were different. They included some of the “new” songs like “Pass It On” and “He’s Everything to Me.” Some people still were lamenting the loss of the Broadman Hymnal with the shaped notes and the “real” hymns. I remember the comments at the time. But, we moved forward and the world as we know it did not end. We continued to have church, we continued to sing. We just did it differently.

Just as I use various translations and paraphrases of the Bible to study and learn, I use different styles of music to worship and enjoy. “The Old Rugged Cross” is still dear to me. “Victory in Jesus” will never go out of style. And the memories that these older songs bring up are precious indeed. My college years were filled with music by Amy Grant, Dallas Holme & Praise, the Imperials and other contemporary artists of the day. They were loud and new-fangled to my parents, but they are old-fashioned to my kids way of thinking.

I recently had a conversation with one of my daughters and she commented on the old music being played by the local Christian radio station. I couldn’t help but laugh. The “old” stuff was MercyMe, Chris Tomlin, and other artists I still consider relevant. But, the praise music we hear today is more often from Bethel, Elevation, or the newest Hillsong iteration. Within Contemporary Christian music, a new division has been emerged: Praise and Worship. The other stuff is just old and boring.

I will continue to enjoy both the old and the new. There are new versions of the old hymns introduced every year. Who hasn’t been moved by “My Chains are Gone” or “The Wonderful Cross” or “Cornerstone”. All use hymns as their basis. I can’t wait to see where music is in 10 years. Will “What a Beautiful Name” or “Oceans” join the ranks of “Because He Lives” and “Shout to the Lord” as “old” hymns? Will we continue our trek back to tighter harmonies and more unplugged sessions? Just as fashions seem to come back into style and translations change, what music will be popular again?

And in case you’re interested, there are songs that move me to tears in just a few notes: “The Strategic Air Command March”, “Under the Double Eagle” and “Stars and Stripes Forever”. All are marches (not hymns) that bring up some very bright and wonderful memories for me of my years playing trombone with my high school band. Music speaks to the soul. You may have a particular genre that you prefer and that is just fine. Please allow that others react differently. Just because it’s new (and maybe loud) don’t discard it immediately. Let God use His music of all kinds to speak to you.

¹⁹Talk with each other much about the Lord, quoting psalms and hymns and singing sacred songs, making music in your hearts to the Lord. ²⁰Always give thanks for everything to our God and Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 5:19-20 TLB

Only the memories. . .

January 26, 2018 by Melissa Jan

Today I signed the final papers to sell my Katy home. Terry and I bought this house in 1994, right before Zachary was to start kindergarten. At the time, there were lots of kids to play with in the cul-de-sac. This was to be our started house, until we could afford something bigger. We spent the last 11 years of our marriage in this home.

munsey front yard

This is the place that Zac and Gracie learned to ride their bikes. This is the place where Zachary lost his tooth when he crashed his scooter while trying to show off for the neighbors. This is the yard that Zachary planted his very own Hibiscus plant and watched it flourish. This is the neighborhood where both Gracie and Zachary learned to drive.

The house is empty now. But, the memories still echo in my mind. I raised my children in this house. I learned to survive after being widowed in this house. Lassie, Aislyn, Maynard, PuP, Bulldozer, Crystal, Tiger & Charlie as well as numerous fish, hamsters & hermit crabs were loved and lived in this house with us.

We played. We laughed. We loved. We cried. We fought. And we loved some more in this house. This is no longer our home. It’s the house that we made into a home.

munsey back

I will always have the memories to cherish. Thank you Munsey house.

When the Mirror Cracks

January 22, 2018 by Melissa Jan

masked When I was in a high school Home Economics class, I was frustrated by my inability to sew a perfectly straight hem on a summer top. I had ripped out sections and resewn it over and over. I remember Mrs. Brown telling me that it was “straight enough for an active teenager.” So, I finally stopped trying. Whenever I wore that top, I would look at the bright green stitching and see the stops and starts of that hem. It was an example of my struggles to be perfect. As an adult, I worked in a building that had mirrored elevators. I never enjoyed those elevators. The light was harsh and the reflection never looked as good in those mirrors as in my home mirror. As a result, I tried not to look at the elevator reflection. I didn’t like it, so I ignored it and looked the other way.

We all have ideals in mind. Perfect hair, a perfect body, the perfect relationship. We strive to be the perfect parents and rear the perfect family. I tried to be the best at everything. If I wasn’t sure I would be the best at something, I just didn’t try. Failure was not acceptable in my world. It’s easy to pretend life is perfect. Social media is quite handy when creating the “perfect” picture. If we could only ignore the mirror of truth!

Too often, when the realization dawns that this perfect world doesn’t really exist, the goal mutates. It becomes extremely important to maintain the illusion of perfection. We’ve all known the woman who posts about her perfect family with perfectly posed pictures amid the chaos of teen drug use and spousal abuse. You’ve probably had a conversation with someone about how much they dislike spending time with a dysfunctional parent only to see the “best parent in the world” posted on social media. Or maybe, you’ve been with that couple that profess to love each other and to be excited about their life together. But, they only complain about their partner in private. Truth is lost in the illusion.

I know how easy it is to fall under the spell of “the need for approval”. It is so very hard to keep the facade in place. I have worked to make sure those around me are content and happy. I have been known to jump through hoops to take care of things for my children. I have worked long hours and take criticism very personally even when it’s not meant to be. My desires often take 2nd (or 3rd) place behind those of my family members. All of this in an effort to be “good enough”. And more often than not, I fail.

With help, I’m learning that I am already “good enough.” I can only do my best. If others are not happy with my choices in life, I cannot change that. I can choose not to spend time with those that continue to manipulate with disapproval. I’ve learned so much about grace and forgiveness over the past two years. I’m learning to accept and even embrace what I see in my mirror.

Is your mirror cracked? Will you break free in 2018 and be the true and honest version of yourself?

“What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.” Ephesians 4″:25 MSG

Love: What You Do Not Want to Miss

January 5, 2018 by Melissa Jan

We search for love. We yearn for love. Sometimes, we fear love. In Greek, there are four types of love:

Agapeo: Unconditional love; the love of God in the renewed mind in manifestation
Storge: Love of family; Parent/child, siblings, cousins, etc. In a very close family, agape is felt as well
Phileo: Love between friends
Eros: The sense of being in love; romantic love

For me, love is everything. I believe that the God I serve is Love. I love my children and my family. I have several wonderful friends for whom I care deeply. I have been blessed with the love of two wonderful men. So, when someone asks how I knew that I loved my husband, why is it so difficult to describe?

There are lots of sayings about love:

Love is a many splendor thing
Love means never having to say you’re sorry
Love is something you do
Love is natures way of tricking people to reproduce
Love means to give everything you have…and not expect anything in return
Immature Love is: I love you because I need you.
Mature Love is: I need you because I love you.
Love is making yourself vulnerable to someone, while fully knowing that they may betray you.
Love is blind
Love is never-ending

There is truth is all of the above statements. But still, what do we want from love? Safety, security, companionship? What?

These are the things about deep and abiding love that I think you just don’t want to miss!

Love is a choice. We don’t “fall in love”, rather we it’s probably more accurate to say we “fall in like” or even “in lust”. We’ve all experienced crushes. Those moments of elation when you just get to be near the object of your desire. Your heart beats a little faster. You just can’t imagine anything better. Sometimes, crushes lead to relationships. But, crushes fade away. As the vision clears, you begin to see the real person. You can choose to really love them or you move on to the next phase. Choosing to love someone completely is wonderful.
Love is hard work. Anything that involves more than one person requires work. A commitment to love and honor another person is a daily thing. It means you don’t always get want you want, so you both sacrifice. When you truly love someone, you look for ways to make their life more complete.
Love doesn’t make you happy. You may be married to most wonderful person in the world and still be unhappy. If you are depending on someone else to fulfill you and make you happy, you will NEVER find happiness. While many of us find happiness in relationships, we have to choose to be happy. Many solid marriages end in divorce because one or both of the people involved were no longer happy. Love is working through the unhappiness while still honoring the other person.
Love doesn’t “complete” you. You are the person God made you to be. You are not 1/2 a person. You are full and complete. You may find someone and become half of a couple, but that person will never complete you.
Love is never-ending, and it is also ever-changing. The love I have for my husband has deepened since we married two years ago. My heart still races when I think about him. But, our relationship is evolving as we have learned to live together. We learn things about each other every day. There are new insights, new irritants, new joys and new challenges with every day.

I guess if I had to tell another woman what to look for in love I would say:

Look for the man who will take care of you. I am pretty self-sufficient. But, I really like it when my husband opens doors and pulls out my chair for me. (Admittedly, I’ve had to learn to wait and allow him to do so!) I enjoy the flowers that he buys at the grocery store for me. It’s comforting when he intervenes to protect me from activities that will cause me pain (both emotionally and physically.) He has shown me how very much he cherishes me. I do not have to “make” him do things.
Find the man who is interested in a partnership. I can be very bossy. So can my husband. But, in our marriage, neither of us is “the boss”. To do lists are general things that need to be done by either of us, they are not specific to either. There are things that I do well and there are things that are his strong suit. We try to bring out the best in each other.
Focus on the man who you cannot live without, not just someone you can live with (tolerate). Deep and passionate love with get you through many intolerable situations. There have been many people I could “live with” that have come and gone in my life. But, the ones that I could not imagine doing life without have been very few.
Consider the man who will honor you and wait for you until after the wedding vows. In today’s world, we’ve come to accept sex as a part of dating. Very few people get married without having already taken a “test drive” of sorts. There is something extremely special about being worth the wait and sealing your wedding commitment on your wedding night.
Pay attention to the man who helps you feel secure and safe. Being able to speak your mind and hear his opinions without fear is important. Knowing that you are loved unconditionally is priceless.

I cannot imagine life without my husband, Tim. I have experienced the death of a spouse and the pain of that loss was excruciating. I promised myself that I would never allow anyone close enough to cause that much pain ever again. But, God had a different plan and I am so very thankful for that!

loveis

So, that was Christmas. . .

December 26, 2017 by Melissa Jan

It’s December 26th, the day after Christmas. Some of us have already gone back to the office. Others are still enjoying time off. There are ski trips to take, family to visit, and malls to invade with after Christmas sales and gift cards. What was the holiday for you?

Because Christmas eve was on Sunday this year, many churches in our area held Christmas Eve services instead of the normal Sunday morning services. I was quite happy to attend the service in the morning, but I heard more than a few people grumble about not having an evening service. I was amazed to hear the grumbling and grousing about it all. After all, what would it take to do just one little service that evening? Having been married to a minister for many years and also being an active volunteer for more years than that, let me tell you what that would entail.

For a regular Sunday morning service, the worship team arrives at least an hour earlier than the scheduled service. And any setup, has to be done even earlier than that. For the church I attend, the worship team is asked to be on stage by 7:45am and the setup crew starts at arrives begins to unload before 7:00am. Even in churches that are not “mobile”, the worship leader (or music minister, jack-of-all trades) has to arrive early enough to get the sound system and stage areas setup and to solve any issues that may arise due to damage to said equipment during the previous days. If there are multiple services, you may have multiple setups to do depending on the location and style of each service. At my former church, on a normal Sunday, the praise team & band will lead 3 services that cover 2 different styles of music. By the time you get there at 11:00, they’ve already been going 2 1/2 hours at least. And there’s always someone ready to complain about the type of music, the speed of the music, the volume of the band or even how involved any of the members seemed to be during the service(s).

So, let’s consider this past Sunday. There were 3 Christmas Eve services at my church. Everything was ready to go by 9:00 am. The videos were ready. The prelude music was playing. The donuts and coffee were in place. All of the lighting was working and every seat in the theater where we meet had a special bracelet that was synced to the music that would be played/sung that morning. There was a full band, a worship team, a sound & lighting crew. There was also a kid’s praise team that was choreographed for a Christmas song. We had a great time and were done by 9:55 am. The people attending at 10:00 were lined up as we walked out. There were volunteers busily making last-minute adjustments for the next service and then it began all over again. And that happened once more at 11:00am. By the time all three packed services were done and everything put away, the crew and worship team had spent 5 hours preparing and leading. And that doesn’t count any rehearsal time outside of that Sunday. They were ready to crash and enjoy their own families after that.

Having been married to a minister for several years and a volunteer for many more years, the holidays add a whole different level of stress. Families often suffer as Mom and/or Dad are involved in numerous rehearsals and planning sessions. Family Christmas celebrations take 2nd place to providing the perfect Christmas Eve or Christmas Day service(s) for everyone else. Trying to figure out how to feed grumpy kids on Christmas Eve when you have to be getting everything prepped in the late afternoon and then won’t be done for several hours makes the holidays a bit irksome at times. And, if you know a minister that has extended family living in another town (or state), you know a minister and family that been forced to drive on Christmas Day to get to celebrate the holidays with family.

I’m not complaining about the years I spent as a volunteer. Some of the best worship times for me happened during rehearsal and setup before the “real” service. I just wish people would consider how much work it takes to make it look so easy. Let your worship team members and leaders know how much you appreciate them. Maybe you don’t care for the music or the volume, but at least you have the opportunity to worship (and not like it) every week. Your worship leaders very seldom hear the compliments, but they ALWAYS hear the complaints.

Wishing you a wonderful 2018! Let’s make it a great year full of joy, laughter and love for our church family.

Merry What?

December 4, 2017 by Melissa Jan

It’s December. Thanksgiving is over and now the countdown to Christmas is ticking away. I remember the excitement I had as a child as we removed the candy from the Snowman handing my Mother has made. Everyday, one of us would untie and remove whatever sweet was attached and then count how many were left until Christmas. Of course, I was counting the days until Santa arrived.

When I was older and on my own in Houston for the first time, I looked forward to the Christmas holidays because I got to go “home” for a few days. And, I was excited about the gifts I have picked out and purchased for my family with my own money. There were Christmas parties and decorations all around. I attended my first singing Christmas tree performance. There was so much to enjoy and behold.

After I was first married, my husband and I had to figure out our own traditions. We did Christmas stockings for each other. And as we had our children, we got to watch their excitement. My most memorable Christmas was probably when Terry played Santa at on of the local malls. He so enjoyed visiting with the children and surprising a few of the adults when he called them by name, too. Our children were excited by the lights and the hoopla, the Christmas programs and the fun. They took part in searching for the perfect Santa ornament or figure to add to their Dad’s collection. I watched as they struggled to keep the secret of what was in the package they had picked out just for me. It was a wonderful time.

Then, death took a huge toll on my holiday excitement. That Christmas in 2005, I picked out the perfect Santa figure, Santa kneeling at the Manger, and placed it on my husband’s grave site. There was no headstone. Just a metal marker and a Christmas wreath my mother had placed there. I struggled just to make it through the holidays that year. I wanted my kids to have moments of joy and to forget their sorrow for a bit. We all tried so hard to just do the normal stuff. But, there was no more normal for us.

Through the years, we struggled to find our new footing with the holidays. We put up a tree that was as opposite from traditional as possible: white with colored lights & purple boas instead of tinsel; orange, pink, lime green and purple ornaments with a large selection of flamingos included. I would search out the best place to eat out and that would be our Christmas meal. We spend time with family in Houston and also with my parents in Crowell. We fell into a rhythm.

I still struggle with the holidays. Emotionally, it’s still hard. Now, thankfully, we are part of a blended family. And while I love it, trying to blend family traditions can be daunting. Our kids have their own families and in-laws to see over the holidays. There are grand-parents that would love a visit. The sweets and goodies that are expected for holidays are different. Gift giving is a big area of stress in any family. How much do you spend? What should you give? Should we just draw names to make it easier? Do we open gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day?

Materialism can and does get in the way of so much during the holidays. I’ve been told over and over that if I keep the reason for Christmas in focus, the other stuff won’t matter so much. And while I agree with the reasoning, I don’t always see that it works to remove all of the stresses that come with the holidays. I really try to focus on the gift of Jesus Christ during the Christmas season. And I have real peace and joy about that gift. Unfortunately, that doesn’t remove family tension or sorrow completely. There are people all around us that need to FEEL the loving embrace that represents the Christmas season.

So, I continue to wrestle with my emotions during this holiday season. I wrestle because I want “Peace on Earth” to be a reality, yet even our own family struggles to keep peace at times. I struggle to make each person feel special and loved and content throughout the holidays. I tussle with my personal desire to be the perfect wife, mom, step-mom, daughter and grandmother and failing at it over and over. I strive to provide a safe and inviting haven for the Holidays to anyone that would need a place. I grapple with my inclination to shut myself off from everything and everyone until after the first of the new year.

This is a time of year that can be extremely difficult for many. Take the time to look around and notice those around you, not just the business of the season. Notice the widow that is without a spouse to share the joys and who wants to participate in the festivities but just doesn’t know how to do it alone. Notice the single parent struggling to provide just the bare necessities for the family during the holidays. Notice that single person that has no family around and sees another lonely holiday as just another day. The first Christmas I spent as a widow, there was always a place saved at church functions for me at a table with some other widowed ladies. They were older than me, but they “got it.” They understood and reached out to me in a way that I so desperately needed. Now is the time to reach out and show the love of Christmas to others.

nativity

Little Baby in the manger, I love you,
Lying there, to earth a stranger, I love you;
Wise men saw the star and answered, I love you,
Shepherds heard the angels saying, I love you.

God Provides

November 20, 2017 by Melissa Jan

November 2005 was an awful time for my family. In an instant I lost my husband. My children lost their dad. I had no idea what it would be like to grow up without a dad there to give advice and encouragement. I had my dad well into my fifties. As I took on the unwanted role of single mom, I wondered how life without Terry would effect Zac and Gracie.

There were lots of offers in the beginning, “If Zac needs a male figure just call me” or “We are here to fill the void”. But, when those times arose, no one seemed to be available. It was “too awkward” or “there’s just not enough time.” But, God provides. The coaches and staff at Mayde Creek High really stepped up to the plate. I saw men just care about my kids. In time, Zac married a wonderful young woman and has a great father-in-law. He’s become a great dad himself. We’ve shed tears on all of his big days as we’ve missed his dad.

Two years ago, I remarried. It was a hard adjustment for Gracie. She had been her daddy’s little princess and had worked with him on lots of sets for children’s church and VBS. Then, it had been just “the two of us” for so long. Chris Dittert was always there to give my daughter a “daddy” hug on Fathers Day or any day she just needed it. And there were others that tried to be there, but we had developed our own rhythm. Tim was not a welcome change in her view.

As time has passed, the two of them have developed an interesting relationship. Gracie has learned to lay floors, build cabinets, run electrical wire and install windows. Although she is quick to say “we were just fine before you came along”, she has accepted and (I believe) loves her step figure in her own way. It does my mom’s heart good to see her talking and working with Tim. They share common memories of Terry as well as looking toward the future.

Both of my kids miss Terry. He was and will always be a big part of their lives. God has provided wonderful memories of the past. And he continues to provide for our family today and for the future.

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten . . .”

Joel 2:25a NIV

Marriage: Democracy, Dictatorship or Equal Partnership?

November 14, 2017 by Melissa Jan

I recently posed this question on Facebook:

How do you define marriage? Would you say marriage is:

A Democracy where everyone gets a vote
A Dictatorship where one person is responsible for decisions and directions of the relationship.
An Equal Partnership where EVERYTHING is shared equally

For this discussion, marriage is defined as the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship. Historically, in most cultures, married women had very few rights of their own. But for purposes of this writing, marriage refers to the general definition of marriage in the western world; specifically the U.S.

Most that commented defined marriage as all of the above. Other common thoughts were we should marry our best friend and that marriages should emulate Jesus and the Bride of Christ. And, I would agree with “all of the above”.

In the New Testament, the image of Christ coming for his bride is presented. It is through these scriptures that we see the devotion of the bridegroom and the readiness of the bride. The ideals of commitment, love and servant-hood are woven throughout the picture we are given. It’s the perfect blending.

Unfortunately, today’s marriages are not that perfect. I would venture that most of the couples that get married or are planning to marry in this day and age envision a 50-50 partnership. Everything is shared: money, household chores, care of the children, etc. This is an almost impossible ideal to meet. One or both of the people involved will feel that they are giving more than their 50%, whether it’s through money earned and contributed or time spent around the home.

When the Equal Partnership doesn’t seem to providing on the equality front, democracy may come to the forefront. Both sides begin to “campaign” for their own interests. Both sides are able to lay all their cards on the table and come to an agreement on how responsibilities, money, time, etc. should be divided. During rational times, this is a good method. The flaw comes to play when there in no “majority”, no winner or agreement. And that’s when, the marriage often moves into the Dictatorship phase.

In a dictatorship, one person is responsible for decisions that are made. There are circumstances where a decision has to be made whether it is popular or not. The “dictator” makes that decision and proceeds for better or worse.

In a healthy marriage, all of the things occur. We both work. My job keeps me away from home a majority of the day and as a result, most of the cooking and household decisions fall on my husband. We don’t split them equally at all. I try to do my part on the weekends. And, he does ask for my help, too. There is no “honey-do” list that must be completed for either of us. When decisions arise that are not of the day-to-day variety, we do discuss them and try to come to an agreement. There here have been times when my husband has had to make decisions that I could not or would not make. I didn’t necessarily like it, but I knew that it was for the best and I would acquiesce to his authority at that time. And, I’ll be honest, there are times that I have done the same thing. So, you can say that my marriage is all of the above.

Many relationships fail because the “mix” isn’t palatable. One person may feel they do “everything around the house”. Or, they don’t feel they have a say in any of the decisions made. Maybe one person is a perfectionist and likes things done a particular way and just can’t accept any variations. The key to getting through all of this is communication. You have to be able to talk. What you may perceive as laziness on your partner’s part, may actually be hopelessness because nothing will please you. Or, it may be defensiveness: no adult wants to be treated like a child in their own home.

Customs and traditions concerning marriage in this country have morphed over the years. Cohabitation has increased by nearly 900% over the last 50 years. The focus often becomes “THE WEDDING” instead of the marriage. The average cost of a wedding is at an all time high of $31,213. On average, researchers concluded that couples who lived together before they tied the knot saw a 33 percent higher rate of divorce than those who waited to live together until after they were married. Part of the problem was that cohabitors, studies suggested, “slid into” marriage without much consideration. Instead of making a conscious decision to share an entire life together, couples who shared a dog, a dresser, a blender, were picking marriage over the inconvenience of a break up. Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist, outlined the “cohabitation effect” in a widely circulated New York Times op-ed in 2012.

When we look at marriage as a life-long commitment to serve our partner not just as an escape from life alone, the decisions we make and the actions we take may be different. We may have to leave behind the baggage of past family relationships. Just because our parents did it this way, doesn’t mean that it’s the best decision for our family. If my goal as a wife is to serve my husband to be best of my ability, to provide for his comfort, to encourage and support him, to love and treat him as my best friend, then our marriage will survive and maybe even prosper. But, it takes a conscious decision to be that servant. It means that I don’t always get what I want. It means that I may have to accomplish everything on the honey-do list instead of demanding my husband does so. Someone else will have to take priority over me.

That’s the example that Christ gave for his bride, the Church.

“Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.”

Ephesians 5:22-33 MSG

Faithful or Fusspot

November 8, 2017 by Melissa Jan

Is there anyone in the Bible to whom you relate? Are you like Mary of Mary & Martha and just can’t wait to sit at Jesus feet? Or maybe you are more of a Martha, always busy and wanting everyone else to be busy too? Are you an evangelist like Peter or Paul? What about a leader like Moses or Joshua? There are lots of people to use as a yardstick for our Spiritual lives. Throughout life, circumstances and/or decisions may change your view of yourself.

I often have used King David as an example. He was “a man after God’s own heart” and he did some very questionable things. His faithfulness was never in doubt, even when his human desires stepped in to take over the situation. But lately, another well know name from the Bible has come to mind more and more: Jonah.

Jonah was a Hebrew prophet that God told to go to Nineveh and preach for their repentance. Jonah didn’t like the people of Nineveh. He didn’t think they deserved forgiveness. So he did what every faithful follower does when faced with a distasteful assignment: he ran the opposite direction. We are all familiar with the story of Jonah and the Whale. A big storm, Jonah thrown into the sea, a whale swallows him, after 3 days Jonah is vomited onto the shore. God once again tells Jonah to go to Nineveh. At this point, Jonah decides to follow God’s instruction.

“This time Jonah started off straight for Nineveh, obeying God’s orders to the letter. Nineveh was a big city, very big—it took three days to walk across it. Jonah entered the city, went one day’s walk and preached, “In forty days Nineveh will be smashed.”

“The people of Nineveh listened, and trusted God. They proclaimed a citywide fast and dressed in burlap to show their repentance. Everyone did it—rich and poor, famous and obscure, leaders and followers.” Jonah 3:3-5 MSG

Jonah was successful. The people heard what he had to say and repented. And God forgave the people of Nineveh. This was a reason to celebrate! But, not for Jonah!

^“Jonah was furious. He lost his temper. He yelled at God, “God! I knew it—when I was back home, I knew this was going to happen! That’s why I ran off to Tarshish! I knew you were sheer grace and mercy, not easily angered, rich in love, and ready at the drop of a hat to turn your plans of punishment into a program of forgiveness! So, God, if you won’t kill them, kill me! I’m better off dead!” Jonah 4:1-4 MSG

Jonah was not at all happy. He did not like it one bit. He fussed and complained because God had given these horrible people another chance. He went out of the city and sat and pouted and sulked. We never find out if Jonah reconciled himself with God’s forgiveness.

If I’m completely honest, Jonah’s reaction is very familiar. I know there have been times that I just wanted to tell God what to do and how to do it. In fact, I have done just that on several occasions. I’m pretty sure I know who should be punished and who should be forgiven. I’m pretty sure I know how things should be done. And I’m more that willing to fill God in on the appropriate processes, especially when it comes to my worship services at my church.

There are people who just don’t deserve forgiveness. I have a hard time letting go of the past. There are some people who have caused pain to my family that I do NOT like. I’ve been very eager to point out how they did not deserve God’s forgiveness. Fortunately, God didn’t consider whether or not I deserved His Grace. He just forgave me.
What’s wrong with the way “we’ve always done it”? I claim that I don’t like changes. But, I’m always ready for the next computer or cell phone or other technology that is out there. So, why can’t I be as open about changes in the way God leads in my church or my worship?
The kids aren’t being taught respect. Just look how they dress in church. When I was a child, I had school clothes, play clothes and Sunday clothes. I had dresses that were only worn on Sundays that were a bit fancier than my other clothes. Through the years, the way we dress has changed for work, for school and for church. Business casual is the norm at work. T-Shirts and jeans are acceptable nearly every where else. Dressing up is not the norm. I did require my daughter to wear a “girl” top and my son to wear a collared shirt on Sunday’s. The more relaxed clothing expectations has made it more comfortable for some to attend church. I still object to short-shorts or work-out clothes at church, but I can only control my own reactions.
I hate the music used in church worship. It’s too old-fashioned (or modern). Music has become one of the most divisive areas in our churches. If you grew up with the hymns and hymnals, the new stuff is “too loud” or “too repetitive” or “not musical”. If you didn’t grow up with hymns, then they are “old-fashioned” or “have too many word” or “don’t make sense”. I remember the discussions that arose over changing from the Broadman Hymnal to the Baptist Hymnal and then later to the New Baptist Hymnal. There were too many new songs (like “He’s Everything to Me” or “Because He Lives”) in this newer version. I may prefer the “old” hymns over the newer praise music. However, my preferences cannot be the most important ones. God is in control. He has a plan. I need to follow His leadership instead of pouting on the sidelines. And, I’ve learned to love some of the newer worship songs. Especially the ones that include a taste of the “old” hymns.
Real worship only occurs in the sanctuary of a church building. Many of the churches that are most successful at reaching the community are meeting in schools, strip-centers, etc. The less “churchy” environment is more inviting some. My church meets in a movie theater. We have the most comfortable seats around!
Real worship needs an organ and a piano. I don’t like guitars & drums. Some of my dearest memories are of the Mrs. Stapp playing the organ at church. I’ve played piano in my several churches throughout my life. Not every church can afford a piano and an organ. Many churches have no one to play them anyway. Piano lessons were a given when I was a child: everyone when through lessons and recitals. That’s not the case any longer. A well prepared band or even a single guitar player can greatly enhance the worship experience. God used the loaves and fishes to feel the multitude, can’t He also use a guitar to feel your spirit?

I’ve done my share of complaining and pouting. I understand Jonah a little more that I would like to admit. I may want to be more like David and be recognized as one after God’s own heart. But, I know that I am so much like Jonah in wanting things done MY WAY. Unlike Jonah, I want the end of my story to be clear: I followed God’s leading regardless of my own preferences.

What about you? Will you known as one of the Faithful or as the Fusspot who grudgingly served God?

The Gifts of Grief

November 1, 2017 by Melissa Jan

Grief is not a “gift” one wants. Grief is forced upon you. It doesn’t give you a choice. It’s presence can be over-powering and suffocating. You move through grief , taking life’s lessons as you go. It’s not pleasant to endure. As I look back, I’m grateful for many of the gifts I received along this journey.

The more you love, the greater the grief. On days when grief seemed impossible to endure, I remembered the great love that I had experienced. And I realized that I wouldn’t have given up a single moment of that love to lessen the grief I was feeling.
Seize the moment. You never know when death will come. We are only promised this moment. Don’t wait to tell someone how much you love them. Never miss a chance to give a hug or smile. You may not get another opportunity.
Show your appreciation. It wasn’t until after my husband died that truly realized how important he was to my life on a daily basis. He prepared paid the bills, shopped for groceries, ran errands, drove me to and from work, held my hand, and listened to me talk. I lost so much the day he died. I wish I had thanked him more.
Recognize the gift you have. I was as guilty as anyone of complaining about my husband’s faults: he snored; he was a dreamer; he procrastinated. After he was gone, I would have done anything to have one more night laying awake listening to his snoring.
Cherish those you love. Stop complaining about things that won’t matter in the long run. Be grateful for the time you have now. It’s not a competition on who does the most around the house. Who took out the trash last won’t matter in the long run. Decide to say only positive things about your spouse or family members to others. It will change the way you think about the ones you love.
Never miss an opportunity to show love. Some might think I say “I love you” too much. But, I promised that I would never miss an opportunity to say those words again.
Relationships that withstand grief will be unbreakable. My children and I had to learn to be a family of three. We are probably closer than we would have been had their father lived. We spent lots of time together just trying to survive. Many people don’t understand the bond that we have. They don’t understand the reaction my kids have when they hear friends criticizing their own parents. Others are not prepared for the defenses that come into play when any one of our family is “attacked” verbally or otherwise. Our interdependence was formed through our grief. As our family has grown, the defenses have spread out to in-laws and step-family.

When it comes to loving my family and friends, treating every moment as if it may be our last is the greatest gift I received from Grief. I never miss a chance to let my husband know how much I love and appreciate him. I want all of my kids to know they are precious and loved. I hold more tightly to those that I love because I’ve learned the value of that love.

Melissa's Musings

on purple and other important things. . .