The excitement is over. The packages are unwrapped. The food is now put away and the last of the eggnog is served. There’s a rousing game of horseshoes in the backyard along with the dogs and the goats. And now, I’m taking a moment to sit and quietly reminisce.
Memories flow through my mind like a gentle stream. Christmas through the years: my first bicycle, the Mary Poppins doll, doll clothes and doll houses. Unable to sleep, while thinking of the stocking treasures awaiting me.
I think of the years of watching my children and their excitement. It was my turn to be the over indulging parent: Roller skates, scooters, dolls and cars. Finding the green Power Ranger and searching for the perfect Cabbage Patch doll. Late nights at Walgreens on Christmas Eve.
There were the dark years, when I never thought I would enjoy Christmas again. There were as many years as laughter during that time.
The kids are grown and the excitement has changed. Christmas is celebrated on different days. It’s still about food and fun. And, family is still the center of it all.
I still get excited about Christmas. But, it’s not the stockings or the gifts that fill my dreams. These days it about having all of my family together.
Merry Christmas and Happy Néw Year from the Benson-Douglas crew!
“I’ll Follow You Anywhere” is a popular Christian song that we sing during our worship services. The song is wonderful, but I have to ask the question: Do we really take those words seriously?”
When I was growing up in youth choir, we spent quite a bit of time READING the words we were singing. Mrs. Stapp wanted us to understand what we were saying through the songs. We were made aware of the words, the punctuation and the meaning behind each verse. That training has stuck with me. If I am going to sing a song, if I’m going to say the words, I want to understand and stand behind those words.
” You make it easy to love You You are good and You are kind You bring joy into my life You make it easy to trust You You have never left my side You’ve been faithful every time
The first verse of the song ends with “all I want is you.” So, if everyone I loved walked away, would I be satisfied with Jesus alone? After losing my first husband unexpectedly, I can state quite emphatically that my heart wasn’t echoing this verse. I desperately wanted my husband back. I wanted my old life and my old family back. It took quite a bit of time to accept his death and to come to the point that Jesus was enough for me. That may sound a bit sacrilegious. I’m just being honest. My human heart was broken and I wanted so much that I couldn’t find solace in Jesus alone. It was my faith in the eternal plan of Christ as my Savior that moved me forward to find that peace and comfort once again. So, I can sing those words, again. I admitted to adding the following requests, though:
Keep my family safe
Don’t allow pain in our lives
Keep my lifestyle comfortable
The central message of the chorus is no matter where you lead me, I’ll go. Is that true?
“You are the refuge I run to You are the fire that leads me through the night I’ll follow You anywhere There’s a million reasons to trust You Nothing to fear for You are by my side I’ll follow You anywhere”
So, many times in my life, I’ve been willing to go anywhere, but (insert here.) I would serve anywhere, as long as it was still in:
At first the USA
Then in Texas
Later in the Houston area
And when I had kids, in the same school district
My qualifications grew more restrictive as my life was more complicated. I didn’t want to leave the comfortable nest I had created. I didn’t want to rock the boat. Raising my children was a priority. I’m not saying that it was wrong, but I’m admitting that my parameters did change because of my children. Truthfully, I believe that I followed the call and was serving exactly where I needed to be at the time. But, I continually asked myself “Are you truly willing to go ANYWHERE?”
” Oh Jesus, You came to my rescue Took my place upon that cross You redeemed what I had lost Now my whole world revolving around You Yes You’re the center of my life You’re the treasure, You’re the prize”
My husband and I have built our marriage around our faith in Jesus Christ. We constantly seek His guidance in our lives. Five years ago, I got very angry with God. I had prayed and begged for a particular outcome and for some reason, He didn’t come through. He said “NO!” During that time of anger and upset, I was not treating God as the center of my life. No, I was treating Him more like a Big Blue Genie or Santa Claus. I made my wishes known and they were supposed to be granted. I didn’t “treasure” my relationship with God. I was just mad that I didn’t get my way. There are still times that I question that “no”. And, honestly, I haven’t stopped asking for favors from God. However, I have come to understand and accept that the journey is often too important to avoid. I need the time of growth. Or there is someone that I need to meet on the journey. Or both!
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
“But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”
Matthew 7:14 NIV
Living the Christian life is hard. Christ carries the burden of our guilt and shame, but living in a world filled with corruption and sin is difficult. We want immediate gratification, recognition, comfort. Christ doesn’t offer that. In fact, we have been promised persecution, suffering and required self-denial as Christians. Many call themselves Christians, but how many are really followers of Christ? How many can say, truthfully, I’ll follow You anywhere. That’s who I want to be, an unabashed, totally dedicated follower of Christ.
While scrolling through Facebook and Instagram, I see that many people have already put up their Christmas trees and holiday decorations. Many have stated that since Thanksgiving won’t be the same this year due to Covid, they want to move on to celebrate the Christmas holidays. I can honestly understand the sentiment. There was a time that I wanted to skip over the holiday season completely because it was just too painful. However, are we missing the real meaning of both Thanksgiving and Christmas?
When I think of Thanksgiving, I think of turkey, cornbread dressing, pumpkin & pecan pies and family. The holiday is about being together as a family. We trace our tradition of Thanksgiving back to the Plymouth colonists. Their first year in the new world was awful. They were hungry & miserable. The native Americans taught them how to survive. The first “thanksgiving” was a festival to celebrate their first harvest. Things were still hard, but they could see a reason to celebrate.
It wasn’t until 1863, during the Civil War, that Thanksgiving was proclaimed a national holiday by Abraham Lincoln. He requested that Americans ask God to “commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civila strife” and to “heal the wounds of our nation.” FDR signed the bill in 1941 to make Thanksgiving the fourth Thursday of November.
The Christian Church celebrates the birth of Christ during the Christmas holidays. Originally called Feast of the Nativity, it grew to become a a carnival-like celebration much like Mardi Gras. The Puritans did away with the celebrations and it wasn’t until 1870 that Christmas was declared a federal holidy in the USA. Americans began to embrace Christmas as the perfect family holiday. Christmas traditions were reinvented to fill cultural needs and pieced together from many other customs. St. Nicholas became Santa Claus. Rudolph became a symbol of courage and overcoming adversity. Charles Dickens, Washington Irving & Clement Clarke Moore have had more influence on the traditions that we celebrate at Christmas than Matthew, Mark , Luke or John.
I find it a bit troubling that so many are willing to skip right past the season of “giving of thanks” and jump to the season of “give me everything.” I know that in the frenzy to get everything “done” for Thanksgiving guests, I often forget to be thankful. We are already planning for Christmas. The only positive thing about Thanksgiving is time off and the Christmas sales that will commence. There are lists of what we want to receive, budgets for what we can spend. The stores have been shouting about the excesses of the Christmas holidays since October. The celebration of Christ’ birth is too often lost in the political correctness to which we now subscribe. I am SO guilty of this!
If the origins of this United States holiday is actually hardship, then wouldn’t it make sense that 2020 would be a super Thanksgiving year?
It’s been a rough year. Lives have been changed in ways we are still attempting to comprehend. The Covid virus has brought with the illness a true sense of panic and helplessness. Death hovers around every thought, every outing.
Isn’t it time to be thankful for what we do have?
Thanksgiving was meant to be a celebration of survival, to offer hope for a better future. Maybe we should be more aware of giving thanks and looking for our direction from God. Let’s take time to truly be thankful for any blessings we have. I for one will be grateful for my husband, my family, my home, my friends and my job. I will try to remember that every breathe is a gift from Him. In my moments of panic and worry, I will turn to God and remember His promises to me. While I am not guaranteed anything but suffering in this life, I will be grateful for the moments and look forward to my future.
When you pass throught the waters , I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over your. when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Isaiah 43:2
“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord. “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Chirst Jesus.
“Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.”
Matthew 6:9-13 KJV
I didn’t truly learn the essence prayer until August, 1978. I had been a praying person for much of my life. I prayed often: at church, before a big test, when I really wanted something, at night, before “some” meals. I thought I had a handle on it. You bowed your head, used the “church” words and bargained with God. My first week on the SFA campus, I was all alone. For the first time, I experienced truly talking (and listening) to God.
Later, I would learn even more about prayer. During a BSU retreat, Len Sehested spoke and challenged me about my prayer life. Using The Lord’s Prayer, she guided us through the ways of praying. I discovered that I was more interested in “asking” than “praising”. It changed my prayer life.
During my darkest times, I found that I didn’t really want to pray. I wanted to scream. And, I did! I ranted, cried, begged, accused and (if I’m honest) bargained. I discovered that my prayers, my conversations with God, can be honest and raw. I’ve yet to be struck down for expressing my true feelings and thoughts. My prayer life grew.
Today, when I cannot sleep, I pray for my kids and their families, for requests from friends and church family. God will often bring to mind a specific need. I have the privilege of leading a zoom prayer time each week as well as praying for requests from our church each Sunday. My involvement in ministry has changed. I no longer stand in front of the congregation to lead worship; I now worship and intercede for my church family through prayer.
In case you’ve missed it, my faith is an important part of my life. And prayer is a huge part of it all. I don’t like to be called religious. Religion is to faith what ketchup is to French fries. Religion alone is not very satisfying. But, Faith stands on its own. And, prayer is the salt that we all want.
If prayer is not part of your life, I would encourage you to try it. There aren’t many rules. It’s just talking to God, honestly. After years of reading about prayer, I still find my self bargaining at times. There are still times that I wonder if my prayers matter. But time and time again, I return to the scriptures and my talks with God.
Today, I am 61. I am 31 years past the dreaded 30th birthday. Hard to believe, but I’m still a living, functioning member of society. Life does exist beyond the 30’s. In this time, I have been a daughter, a student, an employee, a wife, a mother, a widow, a Mumzy, a 2nd wife and a stepmom. I’ve experienced many things, both good and bad. In my 3 score and 1 year, a lot has happened.
Be a good citizen. All governments are under God. Insofar as there is peace and order, it’s God’s order. So live responsibly as a citizen. If you’re irresponsible to the state, then you’re irresponsible with God, and God will hold you responsible. Duly constituted authorities are only a threat if you’re trying to get by with something. Decent citizens should have nothing to fear.
RRoman’s13:1-3 MSG
I was born during the Eisenhower administration. In my lifetime, there have been twelve US Presidents: one was assasinated, one resigned, one survived being shot, two were been impeached. The Supreme Court has seen 26 justices. Politics are never more evident than in today’s social media world. As I type this, one more justice is awaiting confirmation and the possibility of a 13th president hangs on the November election.
When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?
Psalm 8:3. NIV
I followed the NASA missions and celebrated the triumphs and mourned the disasters. I remember the Apollo 1 fire as well as the Challenger and Columbia disasters. Before Tom Hanks brought it to life on the screen, I sat in my 4th grade classroom and listened as Apollo 13 made it safely back to earth. Skylab was launched and crashed to earth and the International Space Station was built.
Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.
Psalm 30:2 NIV
Todays young adults have never experienced measles, chicken pox or the mumps. I’ve had all three. I also have a small pox scar on my left arm. (I tried to explain the process to my kids and they just don’t get it.) I remember the sugar cube with the polio vaccine. AIDS, Ebola, Zika, Bird & Swine flu and now the coronavirus have all become part of our normal vocabulary.
Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.
Psalm 127:3 NIV
In these 60+ years, the nuclear family has moved from the normal to the exception. In my teen years, if you were having sex it was a secret. Today, if you are NOT having sex it’s an embarassment. Marriage is a convenience that is shunned by some and fought for by others. In the process of raising strong women, we have taught them that it’s “your body and your choice” even if that means murdering a part of yourself. I believe in choice. I just differ on the point at which that choice should be made. I have to join those that opine what would happen if our government supported adoption as strongly as it supports abortion rights.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Colossians 3:13
I’ve watched (and participated) in the social media growth. I love being able to stay in contact with friends and family on a daily basis. I despise the vitriol that is evident across the pages, however. I’ve watched as a good friend attacked another dear friend over a perceived political slight. I’ve been unfriended for being too “religious”. I’ve had to hide or unfriend some newer acquaintances that are just too militant and/or negative. I miss the days when you could have an opinion without being afraid of the attack.
Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Galatians 6:2
My college days were spent in east Texas at SFASU. In the early 80s, coming “out of the closet” seemed to be the thing to do. I did not always understand, but I have always believed that you have a right to love and be loved. So, while I may not have embraced the lifestyle, I still chose to embrace the friendships. I had an older friend and family member ask me how I reconciled my gay friends with my personal beliefs. She had been the recipient of an unexpected and unwanted sexual overture with a roommate during her college years. As a result, she was struggling the some of her favorite student’s lifestyle decisions. I explained that I loved these friends for who they were not their orientation. I have since realized that this is true of many things. I can love my friends even if we disagree about politics, religion, sex or any other difference. If I am invested in the person, the rest is just “window dressing”. I would hope that is reciprocated.
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
EECCLESIASTES 4:12 NIV
I’ve lived in the country and the city and learned that there are good and bad aspects to both. Community is where you decide it is. No matter how large or small the city, you live in your own small world. You make your home where you choose to find your contentment.
A person’s days are determine; you have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.
Job 14:5 NIV
I have no idea how much life is left in the 61 year old body. I do plan to continue to expand my horizions. I’ve taken up watercolor painting and quilting since my 60th birthday. In the past year, we’ve added two miniture goats to our family. They have been an education. I’m still active in my church and strive to be more than a “religious” person and I will conintue to share my beliefs. I love our blended family and look forward to our family continuing to grow. I continue to treasure the friendships I have from all of my years.
This is Sixty-one. This is me. I’m more comfortable in my skin that ever. I look forward to the journey around the sun. I hope and pray you make the trip with me.
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.
2020 has been a year we never expected. Since March, our country and in many cases the entire world has been locked down. Schools were closed. Stores were tightly controlled. Offices were all but abandoned. Traffic was non-existent. The daily Covid-19 updates have become as important as any stock market or oil price index. We’ve been told not to wear mask and then mandated to wear a mask or be fined. Businesses count people to be sure the “magic” occupancy number is never passed. Restaurants struggle with full costs with 50% capacity requirements. Churches have been shuttered. Weddings have been postponed or greatly reduced in scope. Trips were cancelled. We have hidden away in an effort to escape the corona virus.
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”
Psalm 56:3 NIV
I will say that I have been amazed at the fear (and honestly the panic) I have witnessed among my friends and family. Maybe because I’m a numbers person, I’ve not been as alarmed by the daily counts. Statistics are just that: statistics. Without clearly defined parameters, statistics are often useless. I have read the daily Covid-19 updates. I have seen the upticks in positive tests. It seems that the media uses raw numbers to fuel the panic. I can’t help but ask about the parameters: How many of the positive tests were retests? What is the % of positive tests to the total number of tests? What is the false positive/negative rate used to normalize the data? Why are we not using the Diamond Princess (a quarantined, microcosm) for forecasting and comparisons?
“For the Holy Spirit, God’s gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them.”
2 Timothy 1:7 TLB
The schools are beginning to open up to the great relief (and even joy) of many parents and students. There is still great fear. But, if we look at previous years, the beginning of school always signaled the spread of colds, viruses, flu, etc. This year, with sanitation as the focal point, I would think they students and teachers are safer than ever. I fully expect that the Covid-19 virus will move from epidemic to a part of regular life. It will never fully disappear. We have to learn to live with it and its varying mutations much as we currently do with the various flu strains. Just as we had to build an immunity to the viruses that caused measles, mumps, smallpox, chickenpox, polio, etc., we will have to find a level of immunity to this virus.
Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me..” Psalm 23:4 NIV
Psalm 23:4 NIV
I know that this virus is virulent and can be deadly. (I know the same thing about the measles. I survived my 2 week bout with the measles during the outbreak of 1977.) For those that have lost loved ones to this pandemic, I have the deepest sympathy. I know others that have recovered but are still suffering the after effects. I have truly sorry. But, at some point, we have to allow people the freedom to live the best life that they can. We have to move forward in the best way that we can.
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Matthew 6:34 NIV
Today, I have a selection of masks to wear when I leave the house. I have hand sanitizer in my purse, in my car and on my desk at work. I’ve have grown accustomed to “attending” church in my living room. I’ve learned to use Zoom and have actually connected faces to names in my weekly Zoom prayer meeting. I’ve enjoyed the lack of traffic as I journeyed to the office as an “essential person.” I’ve tried take-out from new places with varying degrees of success. Curb-side pickup was already a favorite of mine and that hasn’t changed. I’m doing my best to be safe and free of fear. I’ve grown accustomed to asking for permission before entering an elevator with another person.
“I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.”
Psalm 34:4 NIV
I hope the day comes (very soon) when masks are an option not a mandate. I look forward to seeing friends and hugging or shaking hands without hesitation. I’m praying for all businesses to fully reopen and for people to be allowed to return to work.
These are my goals for today:
To live my life as fully as God will allow
To follow the leading of the Holy Spirit in every undertaking
To be sensitive the fears and concerns of other with feeling guilt for not sharing those same fears and concerns
To avoid the frenzy that has become the media
To ask questions, seek the fact, act on the truth
What are your goals to get through the next few months, weeks, days or even hours? How will you move forward?
I’ve read several articles recently about celebrity couples that are divorcing. Most of them contain a statement similar to this: “they still love each other very much, but. . .” The current quarantining was listed as the turning point in many of the articles. One entry said they have “felt more like brother and sister”. All I can do is shake my head.
What is Love? Most of us begin our relationships in breathless anticipation. The butterflies and warm bubbly feeling is intoxicating. You don’t want to be separated from your beloved and eagerly anticipate your next encounter. Is that really love? Although there may be some love involved, I think it has more to do with infatuation and even lust. Infatuation is defined as “falling in love with or becoming extremely interested in someone or something for a short time.” While the definition of lust is “a psychological force producing intense desire for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the emotion while already having a significant other or amount of the desired object.” Not very romantic, but very often this is the starting point of love.
How many marriages do I know that were built on the intense desire to be married? It’s being married, part of a couple that is the focus. The “who” in the relationship is often secondary to the need to have someone to love. The picture is all rosy and blissfully wonderful. It’s all about living happily ever after. The object is finding “A” person willing to become “THE” person.
When we are caught up in the excitement of a new connection and the possibility of finding that “one” person, we are able to overlook anything and everything. There are no obstacles that cannot be overcome in claiming this relationship. Much like the fog covers the challenges of climbing a sheer mountain, desire masks the issues that may cause problems in a long term relationship. We disregard the things that would normally signal a need for caution. Repeatedly, the warnings are dismissed. It doesn’t matter if there are hints of anger, unfaithfulness, insobriety, detachment, or domination. The tendency is to ignore differences in faith, questions about step-parenting roles, and the handling personal finances. The hard questions are left unasked rather than risk lifting the curtain and ending the dream.
There is a very big difference between infatuation and being in love. Infatuation is when you first see someone that you are attracted to and immediately feel there is a connection based on that whereas love is knowing the good and bad of someone and still loving them all the same. One cannot be truly in love and be unable to acknowledge the negatives in the relationship. Unconditional love, the love we all say that we want, means we face the good and the bad and love in spite of it all. We are willing to work through the difficult things. We are able to love through the darkness and get to the light.
I understand the “brother and sister” statement. I remember thinking this very thing about my first husband. Our relationship was good, just not very exciting. We had two very active teenagers. Life was busy. We spent our time together, but after 18 years I wasn’t breathless when he walked into the room. Still, we looked forward to the future together. There are worse things than being married to a really good friend. Trust me. Burying that friend, the husband I planned to live with into old age was far worse. It had been so easy to take our marriage and our love for granted, that I had lost touch with how deeply in love with him I was. I made a promise to myself to never allow that to happen again.
Marriage is characterized as a partnership. So, what happens if:
the partners fail to cooperate?
they don’t participate equally, or don’t agree on major life decisions?
they are no longer physically or emotionally attracted to each other?
when one of the partners treats the partnership unequally?
when one of the partners becomes too sick to do their share?
Do you dissolve the marriage partnership?
I recently read an article by Steven Berman that states:
“Real marriage is not an equal partnership. It’s not a partnership at all. It’s a merger, a permanent joining to create something new.
If you look at marriage as anything other than a lifetime commitment to a mate, you’re looking at something other than marriage. You’re looking at a friendship with benefits, a shack-up, a good time, or a live-in boyfriend or girlfriend. Adding a piece of paper to it labeled “marriage license” adds nothing to the relationship except a tax break.”
Steven Berman
Both of my weddings included the vows: “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part,” Sounds pretty permanent to me. Don’t get me wrong, if you are in an abusive relationship – get out!. If you are in danger, you are not being cherished. However, not getting your way, not being happy, or (especially) finding someone more interesting are not reasons to divorce. Marriage is not about what feels good. Marriage is about commitment. Marriage is about giving up everything to join together.
So, what happens when you miss the spark, when the grass looks greener somewhere else? What’s a person to do? Basically, fertilize your own grass and make it the greenest thing around. Put in the work. There’s a psychological term: “Fake it till you make it.” Basically,
“Faking it until you make it only works when you correctly identify something within yourself that’s holding you back. Behaving like the person you want to become is about changing the way you feel and the way you think.”
Psychology Today
Accept that you only control yourself and not your partner. Understand happiness and contentment are a choice you make for yourself. Stop placing blame and accept responsibility for where you are in this marriage. Offer love with no conditions, no reciprocation. And, I think most importantly, immerse yourself in God’s love and continually pray for your partner. Not what you want to see changed, but for true God’s guidance for your partner. In the best marriages both people are giving more than themselves, which is impossible if you don’t believe in anything more than yourself. A union of two people beyond the physical requires something beyond the physical to bind us. Emotions are not enough.
“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
Ecclesiastes 4:12 NIV
Looking for the best that God has for you will bleed into your relationship(s). As you focus on Him and His plan for you, the greener pasture becomes your own. You are able to love even the most unlovable. You will find happiness & joy in a way you never imagined. Even if your marriage partner doesn’t get it. God will and He will honor your faithfulness.
“Everything in the world is about to be wrapped up, so take nothing for granted. Stay wide-awake in prayer. Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything.”
The only way I get up every morning is because I have hope. There would be no reason to even try to function if I did not believe there was some kind of plan, some dream to fulfill. My hope is in my faith, my God.
Before you write me off as some eccentric religious nut, take a moment to understand why I have this hope. I have lived in the black hole of depression. I know what it is to be totally broken and directionless, helpless to pull myself together. I was a prisoner of my deepest hurt, my deepest fear, my deepest loss.
I went to sleep on November 1, 2005 as a happily married mother of two. But, at five minutes past midnight, November 2, all of that changed. I was thrust into the role of single-parent, widow, head-of-household. Not only did my husband die, but so did all of our dreams. I had always considered myself to be a strong and independent woman. I now knew that I was a weak, lonely and totally directionless person. How could I provide for my two teenage children when I could hardly dress myself? How would I comfort them when all I wanted to do was sit and cry and scream at God? Why did I have to live this way and could I escape from the agony that had become my life? I saw absolutely no hope. And then I began to search. . .
I found comfort from others who had walked a similar path. They understood and they shared their own sorrows with me. I learned what the writer of Galatians meant when he said to “carry each other’s burdens”. By sharing our fears and our grief, we helped each other. I started to see the darkness lighten.
I questioned every belief that I professed to believe. I researched. I examined them. And, I found hope in them. The familiar 23rd Psalm came to mean something completely new to me:
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil; for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23 NIV
As I struggled to get through the absolute worst time in my life, I found hope and even joy. I found joy in my children and hope for their future. I had friends who surrounded me and showed me that there is hope where there is love and caring. My faith brought me to a closer walk with the God I had for so long taken for granted. I may not understand all of the reasons, but I do understand that God has the best in mind for me.
As we are in a time where our country and our world is plunged into the unknown, I have hope. I don’t have to like what’s going on around me. It’s not required that I understand or even agree with actions that are being taken. I have only to do my very best to follow the command “Love others as well as you love yourself.” If I give as much consideration to the comfort and well-being of others as I do for myself, my world will be a better place.
Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
I have a confession: I’m tired. It’s not too little sleep tired. Rather, it’s mental and emotional exhaustion. There’s too much being said, too much noise and no one seems to be listening. The issues seem to circle around and attack again and again with no solution. I feel helpless and out of control. Does anyone else feel this way?
I’m tired of the constantly second guessing anything I say or do to be sure I’m not about to offend or upset ANYONE. I recently witnessed a good friend attack a mutual friend on Facebook for a post that was meant to be a call for peace. The attack wasn’t about the content of the post, but the motivation of the one who posted it. The anger displayed stunned me. And quite honestly, the pain I felt at seeing this attack was as real as if I had been slapped. When did friendship become only for those that agree completely? When did we lose the capacity to talk, discuss, debate and even disagree while maintaining a level of respect for our friend?
I’m exhausted by the basic selfishness of people. Sometimes, I think the old rhyme I used for spelling has been changed. It’s no longer “I before E except after C”. The mantra now seems to be: “I before We and only for ME!” Has common courtesy and caring are been eliminated? The actions that we see highlighted day after day in the media (social and otherwise) would lead one to believe they are extinct or at least severely threatened. Our world contains extremely selfish people. I refuse to believe that they are in the majority. So where is the majority? How do we change the focus?
I’m drained by the politics of today. I remember hearing State Representative Bill Heatly and Senator Jack Hightower give talks. Even as a high school student, I was amazed at how little could be said with so many words. I also knew there was great power wielded by both men. Because, power is the real issue, isn’t it? We fight about who has the most power, the most influence, and the best ideas. Mud-slinging is a full time and expensive occupation. No wonder very little gets accomplished. At what point, do we as the electorate demand that things change? When do we expect the posturing to end and the cooperation to begin? There’s enough blame for all sides in this. None of the parties or their figureheads are innocent.
I’m worn out by trying to keep up with the “latest” pandemic information. Truthfully, we won’t know the real data for many years. Yet, we seem to have only two options: 1) total fear and panic or 2) complete dismissal of it all as over-exaggerated nonsense. I do not want to live in either extreme. Having grown up in the 60’s & 70’s, I’ve contracted and survived measles, chicken pox and mumps. My small pox scar is still visible on my left arm. I was a child during the Hong Kong Flu Pandemic of 1968 that killed over 1 million people around the world. As an adult, I have witnessed the panic brought on by the Swine Flu, the Bird Flu, the Ebola virus and now Covid-19. As a result, I take my annual flu shot as well as other recommended vaccinations. I keep disinfectant spray in my purse, on my desk at work and in my car. I wash my hands often and try to social distance. I’m doing the best that I can and have no idea if any of it matters.
I’m weary of not being able to appreciate people as individuals. I don’t care where you trace your racial heritage, how you dress, what god (if any) you choose to worship or your sexual preferences. I want to know YOU. What makes up YOU? If other topics come to light as we develop a relationship, that’s find. But, I don’t need to know any of those things up front. I want to get to know you and treat you as a person of value first and foremost. And, I would hope to receive the same consideration. I don’t expect that we will always agree, have the same thoughts or desires. Our backgrounds may look similar or very different, and that’s what makes life interesting. I want the opportunity to like or dislike you based on who you are at your center.
I’m just tired. I’m trying to be genuine. But, I’m drained by the accusations and the hatred that is spewed from every direction. When will the rhetoric be replaced with sincere dialog and meaningful action? Can we “fix” things and get along?
Gloom, despair, and agony on me
Deep, dark depression, excessive misery
If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all
When I was 11 years old, I desperately wanted to have glasses or braces or both. My friends and I would talk about it at school. It would be so cool to be one of “those” kids. I would look at my bottom teeth, and I was sure I needed braces to straighten them up. On a routine visit to my dentist, my mother asked him about the possibility of braces for me. He looked at me and said that although my teeth were crowded, there was really no need for braces. “After all”, he continued, “She’ll never be a beauty queen.” Obviously, that statement has stuck with me. (And before you get all bent out of shape, my dentist was not being cruel. In the early 70’s not everyone got braces. Only the most crowded, out of alignment teeth endured the torture of the orthodontist. Cosmetic orthodontia was something that only those with dreams of the competing in beauty pageants or performing on stage would receive. That was not where I was headed and thus the comment. )
I was disappointed that I would just be a normal kid with crowded lower teeth. Later that year, I would get my wish and bifocals! And so began the next phase of my journey, explaining why I wore bifocals and trying to get “OUT” of wearing glasses. Through the years, my love affair with glasses has changed. As a high schooler, I decided I wanted contact lenses. The optometrist told me that I could see “too well” for contacts and to just wear my glasses when I needed them. So, I went to a part time glasses wearer. After college, I pursued the contact lens idea again and wore them for several years. But, I could see almost as well with them as without them, so I went back to my glasses. I’ve bemoaned the expense of glasses and the inconvenience. And, I’ve come to accept that I can neither read nor drive without my glasses. They are no longer an option for me. I have my “regular” glasses, my computer glasses and my sunglasses. All are important to me.
There are so many things throughout a life time that we believe we really need. Through the years, my “needs” have changed. Many times, I’ve applied the “beauty queen” reality to my “need”. Do I really need this to complete my life? Do the benefits outweigh the struggle to get it?
Sometimes, I’ve answer with a resounding yes. I’ve never regretted getting married. I’ve been married, widowed, and married again. I’ve been blessed with two fabulous husbands. Life as part of a couple is difficult. Marriage is my ‘beauty queen” moment. It’s worth every struggle, every tear, every sacrifice to celebrate the joy and the fulfillment of being with my husband.
Sometimes, I realize I don’t really need or want that desire. There are so many relationships that crumble and fail. Many times, the failure is rooted in spending more time looking around than looking inward. There was a time in my first marriage, when our kids were both toddlers that I began to look around at my single friends and the freedom that they had. They didn’t have to hurry home to take care of kids. They didn’t spend their “extra” cash on kid’s stuff. It was a dangerous time for me. Discontent was ready to swoop in and take over. But, I was reminded that I was on the “beauty queen” track. All the struggles were worth it in the long run. I just had to focus on the goal.
And, there have been other times that I pushed forward anyway only to regret my decision. Have you ever wanted that new car that was just a little out of your price range? Or what about the bigger house? Or maybe a snazzier wardrobe? It’s easy to get caught in the trap of “keeping up with the Jones’”. You spend too much money, you over extend, you cheat on your spouse. You ignore the path you’ve been following a veer off in another direction. You throw caution to the wind and pay no heed to consequences or costs. It’s all or nothing, come hell or high water. You lose sight of the crown and pay the price. There’s no do over. There’s only the choice to pick up and move forward, to get back on the right track.
My dentist knew the pain that would come from braces. He knew the best orthodontist in the area had a reputation for being mean. He knew I was not destined for the beauty queen stage. As a result, I’ve lived my life with a perfectly good set of crowded teeth. I’ve never had braces.
But, I keep hearing about the new invisible braces that come through the mail. . .
“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.
Melissa's Musings 