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Five Minute Friday – Tree

Featured Five Minute Friday:
Here’s the deal. Five Minute Friday. You go find the little prompt at the wonderful Lisa-Jo’s blog, set the time and write for five minutes, and then just stop. Where you are, no edits, just publish raw words.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on the word:::

Tree

GO

Trees.  Strong and tall, steady and dependable. I grew up in North Central Texas.  There weren’t many trees in that area.  We had pecan, mulberry and a few others, but mostly we had mesquite and juniper bushes.  My heart still warms at the sight of a pasture full of red dirt breaks and mesquite bushes.  That’s home to me.  My dad’s favorite tree was a Crepe Myrtle.  His mother had planted it when he was a boy,  It grew to be over 10 feet tall and in the summer would be covered with beautiful hot pink flowers.  After Daddy had his stroke, he would sit in the back yard and look at that tree.  Whenever we would come into the back yard with him, he would point at it and say “Good, good, good!”

My family tree is made up of lots of different branches much like the mesquite.  Strong and protecting with broad limbs and those long thorns, the mesquite was vital to the survival of early settlers.  My family provides the roots and the strength that I need to survive.  My tree has also been grafted with beautiful crepe myrtle branches, the family of my heart. My heart family is precious and special and important.  They have been there when I didn’t know I needed them.  They love me often in spite of myself.  And I love them as one can only love family.  There aren’t many in my heart family and I treasure those that have taken hold in my life.  So when  I look at my family tree with its’ thorns and flowers,   I say “Good, good, good!”

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Celebration

We celebrated this weekend. The focus of the celebration was the Twenty-Fifth anniversary of my pastor and his wife at Westland. But, I celebrated a lot more than that.

I celebrated the children that have grown into wonderful young adults through the years at Westland. Some of them are now raising their own families. I love watching the generations grow.

I celebrated friends. Friends that knew both Terry and I as well as new friends that only know me. I spent time with some very special friends and was reminded how wonderful it is to have them in my life. And, I was a bit ashamed that I don’t spend more time with them “just because.”

I celebrated memories. Memories of the last 17 years at Westland and the people who have passed through the doors. Some as quick blips in my life, others that have made a big impact and then moved on their way.

I celebrated the God Strings that pulled us all together, weaving our lives into a tapestry that is as unique as it is wonderful. The tears, the laughter, the coming and the going are all elements that have shaped my life. I pray that the rest of my life is as full and rich with the treasure of friends and family as it is today.

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Blessed

Reading through the last month of posts, one would get the idea that I’m an unhappy person. I’m not. Most of the time. I am truly blessed. I don’t live a charmed life where everything is wonderful and rosy, but I have received more than my share of blessings. Sometimes, I let the sadness creep in and forget everything else.

I have a wonderful family. My parents loved me and were always supportive of anything I wanted to do. I was blessed to have my dad around until about 6 months ago and he just missed celebrating 55 years of marriage with my mom. I thought everyone grew up with a family similar to mine. We were the norm. And then, I went off to college. That’s when the reality of divorce and blended families came into my life. I was an adult before I was aware that not everyone liked their families or were even welcomed by them. It astounded me that parents could just cut their children from their lives for any reason. When I married, I became painfully aware of what it meant to be part of a dysfunctional family. So, I am very grateful for the blessing of my mom and dad and brother and sister. I was blessed.

By the time I reached my late twenties, I had decided that marriage was not to be part of my life. I was making plans to go to seminary and move on with my life. And then Terry made an entrance. I had met him a few years earlier when he served as interim Youth Minister at my church. I was interested in getting to know him, but he didn’t return the interest. Three years later, he once again stepped into the interim youth position. This time, I was determined to ignore him completely. I had other interests. Then one day, I realized how childish I was being. We were married seven months later. It wasn’t always easy sailing. We had some rough patches. And, through the years, I learned to appreciate Terry’s quirky sense of humor. I let go of my expectations and embraced what was real. Terry truly became my best friend. We talked and laughed and cried. We raised two kids together and lived vicariously through them. Life was messy and busy and hectic and wonderful. We were blessed.

And just as quickly as we started our life together, it was over. Terry died from complications of pneumonia and I believed everything else died with him. I didn’t understand how the world could keep spinning. I resented other couples. I resented happiness. I begged for all of the pain to end. I was angry and hurt and confused. And, God never left me. Even when I couldn’t feel it, there was hope. I had friends that came along side me during the darkest days and carried me. When I couldn’t remember how to breathe, someone was always there to remind me. My son and my daughter were often my only reason for getting up in the morning. We grew closer because of our grief. And even in the pain, we were blessed.

As I have learned to live again these past eight years, I try to remember the lessons I’ve learned. I try not to put off telling those around me that they are important to me. I say “I love you!” whenever I can to my kids and to my dearest friends. Because I am acutely aware of the loss of my best friend, I’ve learned to truly treasure my closest friends. BFF is a term that is bandied about way too much, but I have learned the value of that Best Friend. I’ve been told that I’m a bit obsessive about my friends. And maybe I am. But, I never want to miss the chance to share the blessings of friendship and love. I don’t know how many days I have and I want to make the most of the blessings that God has give me. I want to show love quickly and passionately. I want to spoil and pamper those that I love. I’ve lived a life of “wait until later” and later will never come for us. I don’t want to waste another moment. I am blessed.

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Missing You

I miss early morning cuddles before the clock forced us to get up.
I miss getting in each other’s way every morning while getting ready.
I miss driving together to work in the morning with the lunch you packed for me.
I miss seeing you in the car waiting for me after work.
I miss walking hand in hand on those
chilly, misty, days.
I miss giggling while you tried to tell a joke that you thought was hilarious.
I miss your cooking “adventures” and making breakfast together on Saturdays.
I miss singing “Where Is My Hairbrush”with you in the car really LOUDLY.
I miss date night and feeling beautiful just because you think I am.
I miss your cold feet under the warm covers (and your squeals when it’s MY cold feet. )
I miss hearing you breathe (and even snore) as you sleep.
I miss debates and discussions, fighting and making up, talking about everything and about nothing.
I miss our family of four.
I miss being a couple.
I miss you.

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Jack

I met Jack at a Mayde Creek Booster club meeting. Joe pointed him my direction when he asked about high school wrestling. And that is where our friendship began. We would see each other at football practices and games, wrestling matches, outside the locker rooms waiting for our kids. Just about anytime I was at the school, I would get a chance to visit with Jack. You didn’t have to be around Jack very long to find out two very important things about him: 1) He is a believer and 2) He ADORES his wife and family.

Jack was very open about his beliefs. Jesus Christ was at the center of his life. Jack loved old hymns, and Bible based preachers. He talked of different teachers he’d know through the years and pastors that had made a difference. He had seen God work in his life and wanted others to have the same experience. Many times, I’ve wished that I was as bold as Jack when talking about his faith.

I loved to listen to Jack’s stories. In some ways, he reminded me of Terry with his corny jokes and loud laughter. Jacob and my daughter were in the same class, so I knew got to know Moose personally. But, I felt like I knew the “Chicago” daughter and the “Katy” Daughter and all of the grandchildren, too. Jack was always telling me about his family. And Penni was at the center of most of his stories. Their love story started at a young age and it was a joy to listen to him talk about her.

Jack is ready to meet his Lord face to face. Soon, he will be there. In my imagination, I see Jack and Terry talking about football and wrestling and telling really corny jokes and laughing together. And the joy that Jack will have at being with his Heavenly Father will help to temper the pain of missing him here on earth. Our world will be a little quieter and a little sadder without Jack Freeman. He will leave a huge gap in the lives around him.

We will miss you, dear friend! See you later!

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith (1 Timothy 4:7)

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Old

I’m getting old. The signs are all there. I wear bifocals and hear better when I can see your mouth moving. My joints make noise when I stand up or sit down or just move around. I’m grateful when I get carded. A late night for me is staying up past the 10:00pm news.

I remember the original hip-huggers, bell bottoms, tie-dye shirts and VW Beetle. I grew up with Sunday dresses in a time when the older ladies still wore hats to church. I remember The Tonight Show before Jay Leno, when Johnny Carson was king and all three tv stations signed off at midnight with the national anthem.

I know where I was when Kennedy & Reagan were shot. I watched the Neil Armstrong walk on the moon. I listened to the Apollo 13 reentry BEFORE it was a movie. I watched the Watergate hearings that preempted EVERYTHING for weeks and I saw Richard Nixon’s resignation speech.

I know what it takes to be a true cowboy and wore western boots for years before Urban Cowboy made it popular. I talked on CB radios to take care of farm business before they become popular and then useless. My dad took us to HAM-fests where he and other local HAM radio operators practiced emergency drills “just in case” their skills were needed in a disaster situation. I remember party lines and rotary phones and asking the operator to connect a long distance call.

And I remember when promises were kept, vows were sacred and integrity was important. I witnessed my grandparents and my parents celebrate their Golden wedding anniversaries. They worked hard in life and in their marriages. There was an order to life: marriage and then children. Families were important, cherished and protected. The notion of abandoning family for some fleeting moment of excitement or happiness was not accepted.

Maybe it was a simpler time. Or maybe, we’ve allowed the profane to take hold and destroy our families just because it seems easier or more fun. Maybe it’s time to take a stand for integrity and morals. Maybe I’m not too old to do that!

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Fall

September has arrived. We are in the final third of 2013. And while it’s still hot and fall won’t officially arrive until the 22nd, there is anticipation of its arrival. Each morning during the weather, fall weather is mentioned. It hasn’t arrived in Houston, but we are READY. We dream about crisp morning air, cooler days, open windows, lower utility bills that are coming. I’ve heard that we don’t have much of a fall in Texas. And, I guess that may be true if we are talking about changing leaves and such. But to me, fall in Texas means football and hayrides, band contests and festivals, fresh peach cobbler and shelling pecans, harvesting and sowing crops.

I was raised in north Texas. This is the time of year when cotton strippers are seen along the country roads. Fields that were once covered in fluffy bolls of cotton were methodically stripped of everything, leaving few remnants of the harvest. This is also the time when wheat crops are sown. My dad farmed wheat. He wasn’t good at remembering the actual dates of birthdays or anniversaries, but he knew I was born during wheat sowing time, my sister was born during harvest and my brother came around Christmas. When I decided to get married in October, I warned my future husband that Daddy would complain about it being during sowing time. And, we discussed the inconvenience of having our first child during wheat harvest, too.

My grandmother had peach trees. Beginning in the late summer, she would bring bags of peaches to us. They weren’t the big, pretty peaches you see in the grocery store. But, the taste was incredible. Granny canned lots of peaches. She made peach jelly, pickled peaches and peaches for cobblers later. We ate fresh peaches for dessert, made peach ice cream and when the peaches began to get soft, we made peach cobbler. I loved to prepare the peaches and the pie dough to make cobblers. And even though we ate LOTS of peaches in the fall, it was always sad when Granny would say “this is the last of the peaches.” We never got tired of them.

My parents had a pecan tree in the front yard of their house. According to my dad, his father transplanted that native pecan tree from the country the year my dad was born. It grew and thrived for 21 years, but never had any pecans. Until the year my parents got married. That was the first pecan crop. In the fall, I remember being told that it was time to pick up pecans. Not one of my favorite activities. We would all go outside and look for the pecans laying on the ground. And that tree did produce pecans. Then, we would sit and crack pecans. And, then pick the meat out of the shells. In later years, my mother got a nut picker device. You pushed it down over the pecans and they went inside the “basket”. That was certainly better than bending over and picking them up one at a time. And, these days, there are places that will crack your pecans for you. Then all you have to do is separate the meat from the shell.

And fall means FOOTBALL! Growing up, it meant getting the perfect black and gold outfit to wear to school on Fridays. It meant bus rides to Paducah, Munday, Knox City, Quanah, Memphis and other area towns. It meant wool band uniforms that were too hot to wear at the beginning and not warm enough by the end of the season. It meant practices and pep rallies and memorizing music and drills. It was marked with Frito Pies and Hot chocolate and baked potatoes from the concession stands during 3rd quarter. It was about school pride and the pomp and circumstance of the school song and the fight song.

Fall encompasses so many memories. My birthday and wedding anniversary are in October. It was in the fall of 1988 that we heard our first baby’s heartbeat for the first time. The fall marked the beginning of our family. We decorated our first apartment in the fall. All of our dreams and hopes began in the fall. And, it’s in the fall when the dreams died.

I don’t anticipate the fall in the same way these days. I’ll drag out the scarecrows and the pumpkins in a few weeks and decorate the front yard. I’ll have to replace a few that just were too worn out to save last year. I’ll remember the fun from the past and my kids and I will make new memories. But, there will be no football games this year. At least not ones that involve any of my family members. No black and gold or green and white themed clothing. There are no tractors to help move from one field to another. The peaches and pecans will have to come in small batches from the farmers market. Birthdays will be quiet and low-key. And, anniversaries will be mourned.

I’m ready for fall.

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Fear

I’m not a big roller coaster fan. Or a drop from the sky fan. Or anything that simulates the possibility of falling to my death. I like to keep my feet firmly planted and safe on the ground. Along those same lines, I don’t enjoy horror movies or spook houses. I do not enjoy that “thrill” that comes from fear. I’ll take silly over scary any day!

I have a fear of heights. I don’t sleep during thunder storms. When I hear about a wreck on the freeway or see a fire truck racing off, I call my kids just to be sure they’re ok. I don’t see any reason to put wheels on or under my feet. That’s just preparing to fall. Likewise, ice was meant for tea not sliding around on. I never learned to water ski. No matter how often my dad told me he would come back and get me, I would forget to let go of the rope when I fell. I spent a lot of time coughing up lake water one summer.

But, I think more than anything else, I fear not being “good enough” and thus an imposition. This fear permeates every minute of my day. It’s the reason I avoid making phone calls. What if I interrupt something? It keeps me from meeting people. What if they don’t like me? It keeps me from connecting to others any deeper than a surface level. That way, they’ll never know that I’m inferior in some way. On the flip side, it keeps me safe. I don’t have to worry about being rejected, because I rarely get close enough for it to hurt. This fear of not being good enough keeps the walls up around me. You may be able to see me, but you will have a hard time getting to me.

Grief has a way of demolishing all those walls. It removes the filters because you just don’t care what anyone thinks any more. But, I’ve realized that grief will also build newer walls much faster and they are often thicker. Solitude is safe. Loneliness is a small price to pay to avoid that searing pain, again. But, God did not intend for me to hide away in fear of what might happen.

There are lots of verses about fear. Here are a few:

1. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 NLT
2. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. Matt 10:31 NIV
3. This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 NLT
4. He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection. Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day. Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes at midday. Though a thousand fall at your side, though ten thousand are dying around you, these evils will not touch you. Psalm 91:4-8 NLT
5. They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. Psalm 112:7 NLT
There are many, many more. And they help. Until, once again, I begin to believe that I need to measure up to the expectations of the people around me.

I know that Christ died for my sins and I will never be good enough to deserve that. I am blessed by that grace. I accept that. It’s the irrational fears of day to day life that take me to my knees. It’s a daily struggle to let go and trust.

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself!” Really? What about you?