Category Archives: Single

Valentine’s Day

by

Some have known great love in life. This day is bittersweet. A time of cherished memories.

Some enjoy great love now. This day is a day to celebrate that blessing.

Some look forward to a great love. This is a day for joy and anticipation.

Let us all take the opportunity to show love to those God places into our paths on this day.

“If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!

Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture! But when the time of perfection comes, these partial things will become useless.

When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.”
(1 Corinthians 13:1-13 NLT)

Honestly

by

Can I be honest? There are times when I want to go to sleep and never wake up. Ever. Before you start sending me Suicide Hotline numbers, let me be clear: I’m not thinking about hurting myself. It’s not that I want to die. I just don’t want to live. Not in this reality. I don’t feel this way every day. But on those days when I am over-whelmed with waves of frustration, sadness, desperation and/or (honestly) hopelessness, disappearing from this life sounds really good.

I have a great life from most viewpoints. I have a good job and a nice home. My kids are growing into successful, productive members of society. There are no needs and few wants in my life that are not met. I have friends and encouragers all around me. I was married to my best friend for 18 years. So what’s the deal, right? Right. I ask myself this all the time.

I try not to think too far ahead in my life. My son is working and on his own, building his own life. My daughter just graduated from College and is getting ready to move into her “adult” life. Gracie tells everyone that I am “kicking her out” in June of this year. And I did tell her that realistically, she should have a job and be on her by the summer. But, I’m not kicking her out. I think she needs to grow up. I think we need some space between us. Since her dad’s death, we’ve spent a LOT of time together. Out of necessity and out of habit. I’ve seen Gracie decline invitations because she didn’t want to leave me by myself. It’s time for her to have her own life and for me to have mine. This is when I start to hyperventilate. I hate coming home to an empty house. I’ve shared a home with someone for 28 years. I don’t want to live alone. But, its best for both of us.

With the new changes coming so soon, I’ve considered selling my house and downsizing. An apartment would eliminate some of the responsibilities that cause me so much grief. Someone else would be responsible for leaky pipes, and bad water heaters, and critters in the attic. But, this is the only home my kids have known. It’s the house that Terry and I sought out and bought together. I’m not sure that I ready to leave it. (sigh)

I’m not Rip Van Winkle and I’m definitely not Sleeping Beauty. I can’t sleep for 100 years and avoid the reality of my life. Friends will come and go. I can’t stop the changes that are coming. So, I’ll take a deep breath and face life as it comes. This too shall pass.

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

.

Chocolate Tea

by

I love tea. I’m from the south. I LOVE iced tea! Iced tea was something I grew up drinking year round. Through the years, I have discovered there are LOTS of options in tea. Hot teas have become a part of my regular beverage intake. I’ve even invested in the various utensils used to brew loose leaf tea. (There are LOTS of gadgets for brewing tea!)
Last year, my son gave me a tea club membership. Every month, I received two different loose leaf teas to try. I enjoyed the black and green teas and even some of the white teas. But, I’ve never developed a fondness for chocolate flavored teas. I’ve tried. I’ve really tried. I like chocolate and I like brewed teas, so it would make sense to brew them together, right? WRONG! I just cannot get used to chocolate flavored teas. Chocolate in coffee is good. Tea pretending to be a chocolate treat is just wrong.

Sometimes, I pretend to be something that I’m not. When I was in a dating mode, I attempted to adjust my personal views and tastes to match those of the other person. I’ve played the games necessary to “fit in” with certain people. I’ve attempted to tone down parts of my personality so as not to offend others or to cause them discomfort due to their own beliefs or lack thereof. But, in the end, that never works. I’m still an opinionated, bossy, conservative, introverted gal that likes to do things MY way. We’re all better off when I’m honest. That doesn’t mean we can’t get along in life. It just means I will never quit trying to guide you to MY way of thinking.

I don’t think I will ever like chocolate tea.

Candy Crush Life

by

Have you ever played Candy Crush? It’s a popular and rather addictive game. You progress through the levels by amassing points, eliminating enough jelly, and bringing down various fruit. The premise is simple: you match colors in groups of three or more to score. Eliminating more than three items nets you some additional ‘perks’ to use in the game. There are time bombs that have to be eliminated and that nasty chocolate that creeps across and blocks access to parts of the board as well as a limited number of moves for each level. Some levels were easy to conquer and then some have taken me weeks to master.

There are times that my life feels like a Candy Crush game. I can get so focused on getting a bonus piece that I totally overlook the chocolate that is taking over my board. In life, I am just as guilty of focusing too much in one area and totally missing the truly important stuff. I try so hard to get what is important in the moment and I lose everything in the end.

So how do I live in this moment but keep my focus on the bigger picture? What IS the bigger picture? That’s where Faith come into play. Too often my faith in only as strong as a three or four-color string of candy. When the chocolate creeps across and makes things difficult, I panic and fall apart. I need to have complete faith and trust on the promises God had given me through His word:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

I have to stop focusing on MY little plans and adventures. In 2014, I pray that my goals and plans are God designed, not of the Candy Crush variety. I desire my heart to belong to my Lord and Savior and follow his lead in my life. No matter what creeps in and offers a distraction, I will focus on the higher goal.

This won’t be easy. The “candy” in life is everywhere. I will enjoy bits and pieces along the way, I just can’t allow my focus to be dependent on the perks. What about you? Do you live a Candy Crush life? Is this the year to make a difference in your life?

Fear

by

Fear. We all suffer from it. We all deny it. Too often, fear dictates the decisions and choices made throughout life’s journey. Fear may be judged rational or irrational, but it is still fear.

I have a phobia (a PC word for fear) of phones. Not talking on them, but calling others on the phone. I don’t know why. For as long as I can remember, dialing a number to call someone on the phone made my stomach hurt and my hands sweat. I love to talk on the phone. As long as I’m on the receiving end of the call, I can talk for hours. Part of my fear is getting a wrong number. Part of it is disturbing the other person. But, mostly its an irrational fear that the person on the other end is just being polite and doesn’t really want to talk to me and is making bored/annoyed faces on the other end of the line. I’m sure there have been many lost opportunities in relationships because I avoid making those phone calls. This carries over into my life today. I can TEXT anyone. And, I still avoid actual phone calls.

Although it is not often addressed as a fear, most people avoid failure. As I was growing up, I was very careful to only attempt things that I was pretty certain would be a success. I made every band for which I ever auditioned. I didn’t play sports because I didn’t think I would be good enough. I probably missed out on some fun experiences because I didn’t want to fail or look silly.

One big fear that I see in almost everyone is fear of the pain caused by rejection. We all want to be liked. We pursue love and acceptance throughout our lives. The fear of being rejected can inhibit and greatly hinder interactions with others. We build walls to protect ourselves. We may allow others into our sanctuary, but even then we restrict how far they may go. Very few people have ever made it behind my walls. Unfortunately, some of the people I invited to peek behind my walls were not good choices. They left damage in their wake. And, as a result, I’m more guarded than ever.

The only way to avoid being rejected or being hurt or failing is to never allow the opportunity to exist. Life can be incredibly lonely and boring if you do this. Some of the deepest hurts I’ve ever experienced were from the same source as some of my greatest joys. To eliminate the hurt and pain inflicted by others, you often must forego the joy and happiness also. The trade-off isn’t equal and it’s not worth it. I have to conquer my fears. I must move forward and take risks in order to live my life fully. I will not always succeed and fear will still exist, but. . .

I must try!

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

Graduation

by

My youngest child got the information on her college graduation today. It’s time to order the cap and gown, the tassel, the cord & the announcements. We’ve already scheduled her photo session to capture her senior picture. By Christmas Day, I will have completed a journey that began 24 years ago: my children are adults and no longer need a mom looking after them. How do I successfully push the youngest chick out of the nest when that chick feels responsible for taking care of me? What changes do I have to make to convince her to trust her own wings and live her own life? And then what?

My husband and I had talked about this time in our lives and what we would do with the next phase. Terry had dreams of riding motorcycles across the country, just the two of us. He talked of living in a smaller town and moving at a slower pace. I wasn’t particularly interested in the motorcycle part, but that’s not really relevant any longer. I moved to Houston right after I graduated from college and never intended to stay more than a few years. Is it time to move on? Since my kids are quite content to remain here, am I the one that needs to fly the coop? Do I really have any reason to stay?

I’ve always believed that God has called me to serve others. Supporting Terry in his ministry fit my own calling like a glove. I’ve filled various positions of service since his death, but I’m still searching for a true fit. Recently, a couple I’ve known from my single days sold everything and moved to Kenya to serve in the mission field. Am I brave enough to give up everything for a new life? I don’t know. It’s easy to just rock along with the status quo. But easy isn’t always best.

I think that I just long to go home. And home is not in this world. So, until that time when I’m called to my eternal home, I’ll keep searching for where I can best serve. It may be right here where I am. Or, it may be time to go back to north Texas. I will continue to put out feelers and look for options. I’m not done yet.

Sadness

by

I’m tired of Sadness. It creeps in and colors everything. Often, Sadness comes with If Only and What If. And together they are brutal. They wait for the first sign of weakness and then leave cleverly placed bruises that cannot be seen but cause great pain.

I’m ready for Sadness to be banished from my life. But, I don’t see it happening. For to banish Sadness, I would have to forget. How do I forget love? How do I forget the best part of me? How do I ignore those years? I’m already forgetting his voice, his laugh, his embrace. How much more can I lose?

I’ll make my peace with Sadness. What If and If Only are not welcome. But Sadness can visit late at night when his cousin Loneliness comes calling. They can bring memories to share and stay for a bit. But they must go back into hiding during the day light hours.

Because, I’m tired of Sadness.