Category Archives: Grief

Unknown's avatar

Confession

by

I have a confession: I’m not crazy about life. In fact, I don’t like it much at all. And, I feel guilty admitting this. I have been given so much in this life. I had 18 years in a wonderful marriage to a man who loved me to his last breath. I have two fantastic kids, a great family and friends that knock it out of the park. I have a home and a good job and I get to serve and worship with some wonderful people throughout the week. I should be enjoying it everyday. But, I’m ready to resign!

Behind every ray of sunshine, there seems to be a dark cloud. I get something repaired and something else breaks. I’ve never been very good at criticism (taking it, handing it out is a breeze) and that’s all I hear: I’m too mean. Or, I’m not taking a stand. I’m too involved. Then, I’m not showing enough interest. My body is revolting against me. I need to get more exercise and get the endorphins pumping, but my knee or my back or my hip or my sinus’ keep me inside. Some days the only thing I do well is stand in the middle of the living room and cry. And I’m tired of crying.

So, I remind myself of the blessings I have and hold on to the hope that “this too will pass.” I look forward to better days and until then will paste on a happy face and pretend. Maybe my brain will start to believe. I’ll try to be a little less sensitive and remember that stuff happens.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-14 NIV

Unknown's avatar

Sadness

by

I’m tired of Sadness. It creeps in and colors everything. Often, Sadness comes with If Only and What If. And together they are brutal. They wait for the first sign of weakness and then leave cleverly placed bruises that cannot be seen but cause great pain.

I’m ready for Sadness to be banished from my life. But, I don’t see it happening. For to banish Sadness, I would have to forget. How do I forget love? How do I forget the best part of me? How do I ignore those years? I’m already forgetting his voice, his laugh, his embrace. How much more can I lose?

I’ll make my peace with Sadness. What If and If Only are not welcome. But Sadness can visit late at night when his cousin Loneliness comes calling. They can bring memories to share and stay for a bit. But they must go back into hiding during the day light hours.

Because, I’m tired of Sadness.

Unknown's avatar

All that (and a bag of chips)

by

There are two men in my life that I knew loved me completely and unconditionally. And on this day, twenty-six years ago, one of them walked me down the aisle at Spring Woods Baptist Church to marry the other. Daddy assured me that it wasn’t too late to call the whole thing off and offered to take me out the back door of the church as Terry waited nervously at the front of the church wondering if Daddy would REALLY give me away. Every girl should be so blessed and so loved.

They’re both gone, now. I miss them both. I wonder how many others have been “all that (and a bag of chips)” to another person. I got to experience that feeling twice. I have been truly blessed in my life. I look forward to seeing them again in Heaven.

So, Happy anniversary, Terry. I miss you. Every. Day.

20131014-095215.jpg

Unknown's avatar

The Ring

by

A simple gold band. We had set the date and now we were looking for wedding bands. I liked gold. Terry preferred silver. I liked the sparkle of diamonds. He didn’t care for that. We decided on yellow gold bands with white gold overlays.

A shiny wedding ring. On October 17, 1987, I place that shiny new ring on Terry’s finger. Of course, it was on the wrong hand, but that was soon remedied. He wore that ring every day. I used to tease him that there was no way he could ever get away with taking it off. The white imprint of the wedding band on his ring finger was too obvious. Thru the years, my band was replaced with a diamond band, but Terry’s remained the same.

A well worn ring. No longer perfectly round, the white gold overlays faded after 18 years of constant wear. But there is nothing quite as precious to me as that ring that was returned to me in the hospital corridor five years ago. I wear it proudly as reminder of the love that we shared.

Terry, I miss you so much!

20130606-110556.jpg