Category Archives: Friends

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Chocolate Tea

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I love tea. I’m from the south. I LOVE iced tea! Iced tea was something I grew up drinking year round. Through the years, I have discovered there are LOTS of options in tea. Hot teas have become a part of my regular beverage intake. I’ve even invested in the various utensils used to brew loose leaf tea. (There are LOTS of gadgets for brewing tea!)
Last year, my son gave me a tea club membership. Every month, I received two different loose leaf teas to try. I enjoyed the black and green teas and even some of the white teas. But, I’ve never developed a fondness for chocolate flavored teas. I’ve tried. I’ve really tried. I like chocolate and I like brewed teas, so it would make sense to brew them together, right? WRONG! I just cannot get used to chocolate flavored teas. Chocolate in coffee is good. Tea pretending to be a chocolate treat is just wrong.

Sometimes, I pretend to be something that I’m not. When I was in a dating mode, I attempted to adjust my personal views and tastes to match those of the other person. I’ve played the games necessary to “fit in” with certain people. I’ve attempted to tone down parts of my personality so as not to offend others or to cause them discomfort due to their own beliefs or lack thereof. But, in the end, that never works. I’m still an opinionated, bossy, conservative, introverted gal that likes to do things MY way. We’re all better off when I’m honest. That doesn’t mean we can’t get along in life. It just means I will never quit trying to guide you to MY way of thinking.

I don’t think I will ever like chocolate tea.

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The gift of Friendship

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Life is so busy. There is so much to do and it never seems to end. So, a few hours to share coffee and quiet conversation with a close friend is a treasure, a special gift.

Today’s world focuses on instant happiness and the latest BFF. Deep and lasting friendships are the result of time and commitment. Friends take the opportunity to share burdens and joys, to laugh at the absurdities of life, to expose the love that binds true friends.

Sadly, true friendships are exceedingly rare. Self idealization prevents the connections necessary to build lasting relationships. Fear of exposing the “real me” handicaps every relationship. Trust, commitment and time are necessary to build deep and lasting friendships.

We are told in John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” What are you willing to give for your friend? Your life? Your time? Does the love of a dear friend out weigh the cost?

When you learn the value of a beloved friend you will guard it ferociously. You will understand the gift that God has given to you, the picture He is painting of His great love for us. You will cherish the moments for the gems they are. The special treasure that is friendship.

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Five Minute Friday – Tree

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Featured Five Minute Friday:
Here’s the deal. Five Minute Friday. You go find the little prompt at the wonderful Lisa-Jo’s blog, set the time and write for five minutes, and then just stop. Where you are, no edits, just publish raw words.

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. And then absolutely, no ifs, ands or buts about it, you need to visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments. Seriously. That is, like, the rule. And the fun. And the heart of this community..

OK, are you ready? Please give us your best five minutes on the word:::

Tree

GO

Trees.  Strong and tall, steady and dependable. I grew up in North Central Texas.  There weren’t many trees in that area.  We had pecan, mulberry and a few others, but mostly we had mesquite and juniper bushes.  My heart still warms at the sight of a pasture full of red dirt breaks and mesquite bushes.  That’s home to me.  My dad’s favorite tree was a Crepe Myrtle.  His mother had planted it when he was a boy,  It grew to be over 10 feet tall and in the summer would be covered with beautiful hot pink flowers.  After Daddy had his stroke, he would sit in the back yard and look at that tree.  Whenever we would come into the back yard with him, he would point at it and say “Good, good, good!”

My family tree is made up of lots of different branches much like the mesquite.  Strong and protecting with broad limbs and those long thorns, the mesquite was vital to the survival of early settlers.  My family provides the roots and the strength that I need to survive.  My tree has also been grafted with beautiful crepe myrtle branches, the family of my heart. My heart family is precious and special and important.  They have been there when I didn’t know I needed them.  They love me often in spite of myself.  And I love them as one can only love family.  There aren’t many in my heart family and I treasure those that have taken hold in my life.  So when  I look at my family tree with its’ thorns and flowers,   I say “Good, good, good!”

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Fear

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Fear. We all suffer from it. We all deny it. Too often, fear dictates the decisions and choices made throughout life’s journey. Fear may be judged rational or irrational, but it is still fear.

I have a phobia (a PC word for fear) of phones. Not talking on them, but calling others on the phone. I don’t know why. For as long as I can remember, dialing a number to call someone on the phone made my stomach hurt and my hands sweat. I love to talk on the phone. As long as I’m on the receiving end of the call, I can talk for hours. Part of my fear is getting a wrong number. Part of it is disturbing the other person. But, mostly its an irrational fear that the person on the other end is just being polite and doesn’t really want to talk to me and is making bored/annoyed faces on the other end of the line. I’m sure there have been many lost opportunities in relationships because I avoid making those phone calls. This carries over into my life today. I can TEXT anyone. And, I still avoid actual phone calls.

Although it is not often addressed as a fear, most people avoid failure. As I was growing up, I was very careful to only attempt things that I was pretty certain would be a success. I made every band for which I ever auditioned. I didn’t play sports because I didn’t think I would be good enough. I probably missed out on some fun experiences because I didn’t want to fail or look silly.

One big fear that I see in almost everyone is fear of the pain caused by rejection. We all want to be liked. We pursue love and acceptance throughout our lives. The fear of being rejected can inhibit and greatly hinder interactions with others. We build walls to protect ourselves. We may allow others into our sanctuary, but even then we restrict how far they may go. Very few people have ever made it behind my walls. Unfortunately, some of the people I invited to peek behind my walls were not good choices. They left damage in their wake. And, as a result, I’m more guarded than ever.

The only way to avoid being rejected or being hurt or failing is to never allow the opportunity to exist. Life can be incredibly lonely and boring if you do this. Some of the deepest hurts I’ve ever experienced were from the same source as some of my greatest joys. To eliminate the hurt and pain inflicted by others, you often must forego the joy and happiness also. The trade-off isn’t equal and it’s not worth it. I have to conquer my fears. I must move forward and take risks in order to live my life fully. I will not always succeed and fear will still exist, but. . .

I must try!

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

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Celebration

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We celebrated this weekend. The focus of the celebration was the Twenty-Fifth anniversary of my pastor and his wife at Westland. But, I celebrated a lot more than that.

I celebrated the children that have grown into wonderful young adults through the years at Westland. Some of them are now raising their own families. I love watching the generations grow.

I celebrated friends. Friends that knew both Terry and I as well as new friends that only know me. I spent time with some very special friends and was reminded how wonderful it is to have them in my life. And, I was a bit ashamed that I don’t spend more time with them “just because.”

I celebrated memories. Memories of the last 17 years at Westland and the people who have passed through the doors. Some as quick blips in my life, others that have made a big impact and then moved on their way.

I celebrated the God Strings that pulled us all together, weaving our lives into a tapestry that is as unique as it is wonderful. The tears, the laughter, the coming and the going are all elements that have shaped my life. I pray that the rest of my life is as full and rich with the treasure of friends and family as it is today.

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Blessed

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Reading through the last month of posts, one would get the idea that I’m an unhappy person. I’m not. Most of the time. I am truly blessed. I don’t live a charmed life where everything is wonderful and rosy, but I have received more than my share of blessings. Sometimes, I let the sadness creep in and forget everything else.

I have a wonderful family. My parents loved me and were always supportive of anything I wanted to do. I was blessed to have my dad around until about 6 months ago and he just missed celebrating 55 years of marriage with my mom. I thought everyone grew up with a family similar to mine. We were the norm. And then, I went off to college. That’s when the reality of divorce and blended families came into my life. I was an adult before I was aware that not everyone liked their families or were even welcomed by them. It astounded me that parents could just cut their children from their lives for any reason. When I married, I became painfully aware of what it meant to be part of a dysfunctional family. So, I am very grateful for the blessing of my mom and dad and brother and sister. I was blessed.

By the time I reached my late twenties, I had decided that marriage was not to be part of my life. I was making plans to go to seminary and move on with my life. And then Terry made an entrance. I had met him a few years earlier when he served as interim Youth Minister at my church. I was interested in getting to know him, but he didn’t return the interest. Three years later, he once again stepped into the interim youth position. This time, I was determined to ignore him completely. I had other interests. Then one day, I realized how childish I was being. We were married seven months later. It wasn’t always easy sailing. We had some rough patches. And, through the years, I learned to appreciate Terry’s quirky sense of humor. I let go of my expectations and embraced what was real. Terry truly became my best friend. We talked and laughed and cried. We raised two kids together and lived vicariously through them. Life was messy and busy and hectic and wonderful. We were blessed.

And just as quickly as we started our life together, it was over. Terry died from complications of pneumonia and I believed everything else died with him. I didn’t understand how the world could keep spinning. I resented other couples. I resented happiness. I begged for all of the pain to end. I was angry and hurt and confused. And, God never left me. Even when I couldn’t feel it, there was hope. I had friends that came along side me during the darkest days and carried me. When I couldn’t remember how to breathe, someone was always there to remind me. My son and my daughter were often my only reason for getting up in the morning. We grew closer because of our grief. And even in the pain, we were blessed.

As I have learned to live again these past eight years, I try to remember the lessons I’ve learned. I try not to put off telling those around me that they are important to me. I say “I love you!” whenever I can to my kids and to my dearest friends. Because I am acutely aware of the loss of my best friend, I’ve learned to truly treasure my closest friends. BFF is a term that is bandied about way too much, but I have learned the value of that Best Friend. I’ve been told that I’m a bit obsessive about my friends. And maybe I am. But, I never want to miss the chance to share the blessings of friendship and love. I don’t know how many days I have and I want to make the most of the blessings that God has give me. I want to show love quickly and passionately. I want to spoil and pamper those that I love. I’ve lived a life of “wait until later” and later will never come for us. I don’t want to waste another moment. I am blessed.

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Facade

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Facade: deceptive appearance: the way something or somebody appears on the surface, especially when that appearance is false or meant to deceive

We live in a world of facades: dropped ceilings, raised floors, faux finishes. We wax it, pluck it, tuck it or lift it. If it’s straight we curl it. If it curls, we straighten it. We color the gray, add highlights for sparkle and low lights for depth. We buy furniture and then distress it so it “looks” old. We brag about our antiques while spending too much money to trying to stay young. Only the most discerning eye can spot the fake. And it all works. For a little while. . . But, it only takes one touch to realize what is fake and what is real. A little light will expose the roots that just can’t be hidden and those too new edges will betray the created antique. Reality can be harsh when uncovering all those things we think we have hidden so well.

We try the same tricks when it comes to our emotions. We build emotional walls in an attempt to keep others away from our unpleasant truths. We don’t want to look silly or weak or needy, so we put on a “stiff upper lip” and push away the very people who want to offer support. We want to be strong for others, but have no idea how to accept that strength when offered in return. To keep from ever feeling the pain of betrayal or loss, we don’t allow anyone to invade that area of our lives that might touch kindness or love. We teach our children that “big boys/girls don’t cry” and then wonder why they are distant. Through our own actions we teach that sex is a good substitute for love, money is the only thing that matters and pursue your own happiness at any cost.

How do we break away from these facades we have created? When do we stop fearing the pain and embarrassment that “might” occur so that we can pursue love and connection with those around us? How much will it take to allow that one touch that breaks thru the barriers? It’s no easy task. Love and betrayal, joy and loss, kindness and pain are part of the world in which we live. Exposing our tender emotions will always be a risk. There is always the chance that you will be rejected. You may not receive the same that you give. Your sacrifice may not be appreciated or even accepted. But, there will be that ONE moment that makes it all worth while. And then you realize that the wall first built for protection has become a prison. You will no longer seek safety but now crave connection. Giving unconditional love, regardless of the cost, becomes your passion. It’s not easy to drop the facade, but it’s worth it. Love is always worth it.

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.” 1 John 4:18

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Necessary Gifts

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Friends. We want them. We need them. I’ve heard it said that friends are a gift that you give to yourself. Hmmm, I wonder. . .

I grew up in a small farming community with my friends. Most of my graduating class had been together for 12 years, and a select few and even gone to kindergarten together. Our parents had grown up together. Many of our teachers had either taught our parents or gone to school with them. We had cousins, aunts, uncles and siblings in our school life. We played in different groups and made friends and best friends. It wasn’t hard.

When I ventured across the state to attend college, I stepped into a world of unknowns. I had to meet new people and make new friends. It was scary and exciting. I discovered that people did like me even when they had other options. I was still the “mother” in the group and they still liked me. Many of my fondest college memories are from my early days of dorm life, doing life as a pretend adult with my new friends. And, they’re still friends today.

After graduation, I moved to the big city to work. Finding friends was a bit more challenging. I had work friends, but longed for the close friendships of college. For the first few months of my new life, I had a very predictable schedule: Get up and go to work, come home and fix supper, eat and do the dishes, go to bed. Many days ended before 7:00pm. I searched for a church home, but had a hard time finding a welcoming singles group. I fell back on my college relationships and held on to the past. It was the end of my first year in Houston when I found a church that needed me as much as I needed it. The singles group was just starting at Spring Woods. I watched it grow and change thru the next four years. I made many friends over the years. Many people came thru my life during that time. A few became fast friends. And, one became my closest friend. I married him.

As my husband and I negotiated married life, our circle of friends changed. We had ministry friends that came into our lives and them moved on to other areas. Many of our relationships were based on our kids. Children became the common thread. As our kids moved thru school, we got to know different parents. And as sports and band took center stage, we spent a lot of time with the other parents. It seemed there wasn’t much time to develop deep relationships. There were friendships, but I always felt a little separated, distant. I had my family and really didn’t have the energy to truly invest in others. The hardest distance to cover between two people is often measured in inches.

And then the world crumbled around me. My new identity was widow, single-mom. Suddenly, I needed friends. I discovered how important it is to invest in friends. The distance I had felt seemed to disappear into comfort, familiarity and safety. Dear friends didn’t miss a beat. I survived those months on the kindness and love shown to me by friends, both old and new.

I find it amusing when listening to my daughter and her friends describing each other. The term “best friend” or BFF comes up in every description. With the use of social media such as FaceBook, it’s quite possible to see the same young woman post about her bestie five times in a row and mention a different “best friend” every time. When I question how one can have more than one BEST friend (much less five or eight), I usually get an eye roll accompanied by “You just don’t understand!” For some reason, I don’t think I’m the one that doesn’t understand. But, maybe these twenty-somethings have it right. I often complain of being lonely while hiding behind my own self-erected barriers. I can be with a group of people and feel that I might as well be a thousand miles away. If friends are a gift that you give to yourself, then is too much “me” a problem? Do I manufacture Distance and separation in an attempt to control all circumstances? Have I forgotten what it means to be a friend, much less a BFF?

Fortunately, I have been given the great gift of friends. I have many acquaintances and casual friends. But most importantly, I have a few very special and dear friends. Friends that are not offended by the REAL me. Friends that are there for tears and the laughter. Friends that share the real stuff that invades our lives. Friends that are there even when I’m NOT a very good friend. I treasure these friends. I don’t know that I will ever be able to fully explain how important their gift of friendship is to me.

Friends. I want them. I need them. I will never again take the gift of friendship for granted. I have the BEST friends.