Dreaming

I don’t like to fail.  I don’t like to look silly.  As a result, I very rarely attempt anything unless I have a pretty good idea that I will do well at it.  I’ve been told I probably missed out on a lot of fun things, but I just saw no need to take a chance on failure.  As an adult, I find that I have a similar response to setting goals.  This year has been no different.   At work and in private, I’m being urged (and in some cases required) to set goals.  I. Hate. It.  Everything I read, seems to ask:  “What is your purpose?”  “What is your dream?” or “What is your goal?”  And every time, I draw a blank.  I just don’t know.  Is that bad? I put off any required goal setting  to the very last-minute.  I don’t want to fail, so I don’t want to document the possibility of failure.  Why take a chance? 

Several years ago, a friend asked me where I wanted to be in five years.  I was recently widowed and could honestly say that every goal or dream I had for the future was buried with my husband.  I had a hard time seeing into the next week, much less imagining the next five years.  In fact, the very idea of the future was just too painful at that time.  So, I stopped dreaming.  I stopped planning.  I just moved from one day to the next.  I guess I didn’t totally stop all planning.  I still had to manage  a household.  I had kids that needed support and guidance.  But, my goals were often day-to-day survival.  I’ve progressed to a little more long-term planning.  But sometimes, I think I’ve forgotten how to dream.

 A recent blog by Holley Gerth, has challenged me to find my God-sized dream.  I honestly don’t know what that dream  looks like in my life.  I’m asking to God to show me my dream, to give me the courage to actually dream.  Am I brave enough to dream again?  Am I willing to look silly in order to dream? Am I truly ready to expose my heart again to dreams and goals that  may result in pain along the way?  I think I am.  I hope I am.

2 thoughts on “Dreaming

  1. Ah! Melissa! I really could identify with your first paragraph! I don’t want to fail, I’m self-concious, so there are so many things I’ve decided not to pursue! I hope God will help you find that little thing the you can do, that you can desire and help you take steps to reach it! I’m sure you’ll feel amazing when you do!

  2. I, too, can relate to this post. I wrote almost the exact same post (minus being a widow…in which I truly extend my sympathy). I see Maggie, above, feels like we do. Isn’t it nice to know you are not alone in this?! And, how wonderful that we have a Creator who lovingly nudges us along in this journey. Blessings to you. (here is my post from yesterday if you choose to read it… http://drupp1.blogspot.com/2013/01/god-size-dreamin.html )

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